An open mind and dialogue

Kari Kurtz, a Pastoral Associate for Faith Formation at Christ Our Light and the Church of St. Clare’s, is shown with her husband Brian, who is Jewish, and their two children, Jackson and Victoria. (Photo provided)

The Kurtz household contains a dad — Brian, who is culturally Jewish, and a software developer, a mom — Kari, who is a cradle Catholic, and a Pastoral Associate for Faith Formation at Christ Our Light and the Church of St. Clare’s and two middle schoolers — Jackson, 13, in eighth grade, and Victoria, 11, in sixth grade, both being raised Catholic. We are transplants to Albany, residing with our three cats. Brian and Kari have been married for over 21 years.

So how do we try to have a family that respects both the cultural importance of dad’s family and still be Catholic? As a couple we discussed everything openly right from the start. Even before Brian proposed he knew marrying Kari came with — a Catholic wedding, Catholic children and a Sunday obligation. We had frank discussions about how we wanted our life to look. Kari knew that being Catholic for her and for future children was non-negotiable.

We find keeping an open mind and an open dialogue is the key to making sure everyone’s heritage and beliefs are respected. Kari and Brian’s grandmother, Sylvia, spent many hours together in her kosher kitchen — learning recipes, sharing ideas and learning what we had in common. When Kari was discerning working for a Catholic Church, Brian was the one to say, let’s go for it. We do everything as a family. Brian isn’t Catholic, but he attends more Masses than most people because that is where his family is.

Yet what do we do with all these holidays? We try our best to honor them and contextualize them. As a family we read a psalm, discuss the meaning behind the Jewish holiday and tie it into our Catholic faith. Maybe it is with a video, a song, but always with a discussion of Jesus’ heritage and what he would have done when he was alive. How do we make those leaps and find those resources? Google. The videos, songs, etc. are everywhere! Google “Psalms for Passover” and in minutes you can open your Catholic Bible and pray a passage perfectly suited to the occasion. No theology degrees required.

Probably one of our best decisions is that often we also throw away the calendar. Some years, we declare our Rosh Hashanah or Passover on a different day (trying to keep it as close as we can to the intended date). If it allows us to be together to discuss the true meaning of it, moving it a few days is the better option. We’ve tried having a Passover Seder immediately following it with an Easter Dinner and it was CHAOS! Neither holiday had the room to breathe and be experienced. Not to mention all of the leftovers! After that, we knew when our holidays were that close, we needed to choose when we celebrated them. Making the food, enjoying the company and being truly aware of what we are celebrating is the bigger piece of the puzzle than trying to get too many good things into one weekend.