No suffering should be ignored

Bishop Edward B. Scharfenberger

We have been focusing in recent weeks on hearing the histories and narratives of survivors of sexual abuse. In offering my own ear I do not presume that listening alone — especially as a representative of an institution members of which inflicted that abuse by commission and omission — can help survivors find a path forward. I will never cease to apologize to the victims, both personally and as a leader of that institution, and to continue to acknowledge the pain and suffering caused. We await anyone who may also wish to reach out to us through our Hope and Healing Committee and are dedicated to providing ways for victims/survivors to find a way home, whatever that means for each person.

The effects of this kind of abuse are enormous and widespread, affecting more than the survivors alone. Their families, friends and the communities in which they live have all been wounded. I cannot help but think as well of victims whose abuse may be especially difficult to report because it occurred in more intimate circles, even in a home setting. 

As we are focused as a nation on our enormous challenges with the migrants among us and immigration policy, I also keep thinking of the 300,000 minors lost to labor and sex traffickers in alarming schemes that we are only becoming more aware of. If only people realized the enormity and horror of the immigration reality that inadequate vetting practices have, in part, led to, we might also see that awarding any public figures who did little to stem this tide in recent years is no way to deflect from the harm of aggressive pro-abortion policy either. Certainly not in the name of promoting our social teaching. This may not be the time for awards when so many are suffering from so many forms of degradation of their humanity. Better instead to signal the ways in which we are trying to provide relief and healing to all who have been wounded or abused. 

Indeed, there is no one issue that alone defines our teaching which defends the value of every human life from conception to natural death. Whether we acknowledge the plight of migrants and refugees and do all that we can to offer humanitarian assistance, we cannot ignore either those women who have suffered the trauma of abortion. The kind of outreach to survivors of sexual abuse and the process by which healing can take place for them is different from what women and families who have had to face that wrenching decision of abortion have to deal with. No one should be excluded from our pastoral care. Whatever the form of trauma or abuse — even the scandal given by neglect of the suffering of some while focusing on others — I would invite anyone to come forward. 

Another serious form of suffering of which we have all been more aware is that of people who are often in the final stages of their lives, perhaps declining mentally and physically with age or with terminal illness. The experience of loneliness or of feeling a burden to loved ones has led some to contemplate suicide, now becoming even a “medical” option in may states, perhaps soon even in New York. We read last weekend of a person who felt he had done his duty by his aging and failing parents by suffocating them and “putting them out of their misery.” This was shocking for most who read the account as such cruelty in the name of mercy seems incredibly callous toward one’s parents. One can only imagine that, should such actions be made legal, the temptation will only increase and the pressure on the most vulnerable members of our society will only escalate. 

One of the reasons for our strong support for anyone who is contemplating abortion, suicide or some other desperate course of action is that we are committed to be present to those who are, as Pope Francis often said, “in the peripheries.” I am aware — and again must apologize — that there are many who may have reached out, to me and to others in our Church family — who did not receive the response that they needed or deserved. Now I only wish to offer whatever help and listening ear I can or, if necessary, find the kind of care, support and direction so that they may not walk alone.

I do not wish to conflate or overlook the uniqueness of every person’s struggle with pain or loneliness. What I want to do, however, is open up my own heart and encourage all in parish leadership — indeed throughout all our communities — to follow the example of Mother Teresa whose Missionary Sisters of Charity I was so blessed to spend some time with recently in Kolkata. 

As I have written in recent columns, the service the sisters offer is very simple. One of their activities is to bring people who are dying into their shelters and just offer them a cot and palliative care. I was blessed to spend time with some of them, many of whom would die shortly, even on the very day they arrived. What I learned was how simply the offer of a loving gaze and a hand — the power of presence and touch — brought, in some cases, a nod or even a smile. It dawned on me, and the volunteers I met as well, that we were as much being served by the gift of their suffering humanity as anything we were bringing to them. 

I would like to take this overpowering experience into the encounter with every human being who is suffering, in whatever way they may be bearing it, like Christ carrying his cross. I will try to remember that and to see the face of Jesus in each person I am blessed to be with. Sometimes it takes so little to do so much for another human being. We do not have to be rich in order to bring the healing power of God’s love into the life of another human being. All we need is to show up and listen. Is not this what Jesus himself did among us? Can each of us not do the same?