A thousand times I fall

Mike Langlois is the Grand Knight of St. Augustine Knights of Columbus Council 7273 in Peru, N.Y. He is also the Upstate Conference Coordinator for Evangelization and Faith Formation for the New York State Knights of Columbus. (Courtesy photo of JASON WYSONG)

My wife is an eternal optimist. I am not. No matter financial concerns, work-related stress, physical illness or simply navigating major life changes, she seeks a positive path forward. When she senses I am growing discouraged, she will calmly remind me that, “it is in God’s hands.”

When we commit a sin — a disruption in one’s relationship with God, oneself and others — it can lead to discouragement in our spiritual life. It is the shame and guilt from sin that can separate us from God. We may fall into self-condemnation and mistakenly believe that we are unworthy to have a relationship with Him. We see this in the Old Testament Book of Genesis with Adam and Eve who felt shame and guilt discovering their nakedness (hiding from God) after eating from the tree of knowledge of good and evil.

St. Mark Ji Tianxiang is an example on how to “get back up” after stumbling in grave sin. In 1900, Mark Ji was murdered in his village during China’s anti-foreigner and anti-Christian Boxer Rebellion. Pope John Paul II, in 2000, canonized Mark Ji for his martyrdom. What is extraordinary is this Catholic saint, due to his struggle with an opium addiction, was denied the Catholic sacraments for the last 30 years of his life.

As a young man, Mark Ji was a respected physician and member of his community. He contracted a violent stomach ailment and began treating himself with opium for its pain-relieving properties. Once addicted, he was considered morally weak in the community and a disgrace to his family. The local parish priest — not understanding addiction as a chronic brain disease as we do today — denied him confession and communion until he resolved to give up the sin. We can imagine the spiritual battle as he surrendered to the smoke-filled opium den, shifted between waves of euphoria and crushing guilt, and pleaded with God to overcome his sin.

Mark Ji remained faithful to the Church and attended daily Mass during the decades of his addiction. He prayed to God for martyrdom and, when the time came, he begged to be the last killed among the imprisoned Christians (to spiritually support those about to face death). Mark Ji’s story is a powerful testament to the triumph of spirit over sin from our human weakness. His persistent devotion to God — and the Church — offers us hope in conquering our own sins.

As Catholics, we are on a life-long spiritual journey to sanctify our souls in hopes of achieving perfect union with God in heaven. It is inevitable that, as believers, we will stumble — and even at times fall hard — as we work to understand God’s plan for us. Fortunately, we are offered a remarkable grace by Jesus in the Sacrament of Reconciliation. We know from St. Faustina Kowalska, who experienced apparitions and received messages from Jesus between 1931 and 1938, that He yearns to show mercy to souls. “When you approach the confessional, know this, that I Myself am waiting there for you. I am only hidden by the priest, but I myself act in your soul,” Jesus said. “If their trust is great, there is no limit to My generosity.” — Diary 1602

When we go to confession, we may emerge with a feeling of peace, relief and joy. The serenity can quickly pass for those who are stuck in habitual sin. For them, the real work starts after they profess, “I firmly intend, with your help, to do penance, to sin no more, and to avoid whatever leads me to sin,” in the Act of Contrition prayer. Note the phrase, “with your help,” which is exactly what Jesus told St. Faustina is required to conquer sin.

We know that past emotional wounds — personal to each individual soul — can lead to sinful actions. When, with the grace of God, we come to acknowledge a past wound, we have an obligation to investigate the root causes in pursuit of healing. Like a surgeon who slowly and carefully probes a patient for a debilitating affliction, we too must find a way to expose the physical, emotional and psychological wounds that lead us to sin.

It is impossible to overcome sin without the help of Jesus. We are called to carry our own personal cross, but that doesn’t mean that we have to carry it alone. Mark Ji knew that the Lord wanted his soul sanctified, even though he couldn’t achieve it during his lifetime. He couldn’t stay sober, but he could “get back up.” That is all that Jesus is asking for us to do.

Mike Langlois is the Grand Knight of St. Augustine Knights of Columbus Council 7273 in Peru, N.Y. He is also the Upstate Conference Coordinator for Evangelization and Faith Formation for the New York State Knights of Columbus, which encompasses the Buffalo, Roches­ter, Syracuse and Ogdensburg dioceses. Local Knights of Columbus councils interested in fortifying the faith of their memberships, or offering column topic ideas, can contact him at [email protected].