The wedding of heaven and earth

Father Tom Fallati

As I reflected on the Gospel while preparing to celebrate my first wedding as a priest, I could not help but note the stark contrast with my prior work as an attorney.  There, I frequently worked with parties on contracts and transactions, relationships described in the law as “arms-length.” Now, I was witnessing not to a contract, but to a covenant through which a man and a woman “are no longer two, but one flesh” (Mk. 10:8). 

There are fewer opportunities for new priests to celebrate weddings, compared to baptisms and funerals. Weddings are less frequent and typically have a lead-in time of at least one year. I was privileged to have an opportunity to begin meeting with a couple shortly after priestly ordination.

Last week, I celebrated that wedding after months of preparation and anticipation. It was a joyful day, with nearly 200 people in attendance. Among them was my pastor, Father Bob Longobucco, who coached me through the preparation and ensured that I led a valid celebration of the sacrament. In the end, it all came together. The celebration was joyful, and I was able to share in the celebration at the reception.

God and marriage

Marriage constitutes a “covenant” between a man and a woman that God has authored. Indeed, the Scriptures frequently use nuptial imagery to convey God’s covenant with Israel, and St. Paul speaks of the relation of Christ and the Church as one of marital union (Eph. 5:25-26). Jesus himself performs his first public miracle at the wedding feast at Cana, a “confirmation of the goodness of marriage” and Christ’s sacramental presence within it (CCC 1613). Marriage, in short, reflects God’s own union with humanity.

As any married couple knows, by its nature, marriage requires sacrifice and regard for the other.  The marriage vows include the promise of fidelity “in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health.” Inevitably there will be challenges as families grow and relationships are tested in many ways. That is why St. Francis de Sales commended marriage as the state of life that “requires more virtue ... than any other” and so offers a path for both spouses to pursue holiness.

For this reason we take time in marriage preparation to ensure that the couple appreciates the wedding vows and fully consents to them. Typically the priest or deacon who will celebrate the marriage meets with the couple, and parishes often include married couples in the marriage preparation team. This process over the course of months offers the couples a time of exploration, coming to reflect on their relationship and to understand more deeply themselves and their future spouses.

Priestly witness

In all of this the priest acts not as a marriage counselor or expert, but rather as a witness to how Christ is calling the couple and how to place Christ in the center of their marriage. 

Indeed, unique among the sacraments, in marriage the couple act as the ministers through their exchange of vows. The priest or deacon who celebrates serves as a witness.   

As I led the couple at last through the wedding vows, I knew that I was privileged to be a witness to this covenant bond to live a new life as “one flesh.” And as I prayed in the Nuptial Blessing that they encounter the Lord “together with the circle of friends that surrounds them,” I was grateful to be included in that circle of friends to witness their growth in life together.

Father Tom Fallati is parochial vicar at St. Kateri Tekakwitha parish in Schenectady.