Be patient with yourself

Father Thomas Morrette

Sometimes, we are very hard on ourselves, especially when we experience our own faults and weaknesses. We wish we were better. We wish we had it all together, all of the time. Such is an impossible goal here on earth.

There are, however, truly times when we must be hard on ourselves. For example, when we are tempted to sin, when we avoid prayer and time with God, when difficult people try our patience, when the Commandments challenge us. Then, we have to muster up courage and sacrifice.

But in the area of human weaknesses and defects of character, the Church has always had a word of encouragement and advised patience with oneself. We are works in progress, after all. The important thing is not to give up and not to expect ourselves to be other than human, full of goodness and full of personal challenges. The important thing is not to be discouraged with our humanity.

Good advice is always found in the writings of St. Francis de Sales, who was a wise and compassionate guide in spiritual life. This 17th century bishop of Geneva wrote many essays about patience with oneself for those seeking to advance in the way of holiness. This is what he advised us to think about our faults: “We must not fret over our own imperfections. Although our reason tells us that we should be displeased and sorry whenever we commit a fault, we should not become bitter, gloomy, spiteful or emotionally upset when we do. We must be sorry for our faults of course, but in a calm, settled and firm way. 

“For example, if I had a firm resolution not to yield to the sin of vanity and yet seriously fell into it, I shouldn’t say to myself: ‘Aren’t you wretched and abominable, you who have made so many resolutions and yet let yourself be carried away by vanity? You should die for shame. Never again lift up your eyes toward heaven, you blind and insolent traitor, you rebel against God!’ No, you should be reasonable and compassionate and say this to yourself: ‘Alas, my poor heart, here I am, fallen into the pit where I firmly resolved to avoid. Well, I must get up again and leave it forever. I must call on God’s mercy and hope that it will help me be steadier in the days to come. I will start out again, humbled. I will be of good heart and from this day onward, I will be more on guard. God will help me. I will do better.’ ”

Sound advice, I think. Especially for us who are not perfect and know it.  Especially for those of us who are often surprised at not being all we want to be.

Father Morrette is pastor at The Catholic Community of Our Lady of Victory in Troy, Our Lady of the Snow Mission in Grafton and Christ Sun of Justice Parish in Troy.