You are not alone

Bishop Edward B. Scharfenberger

The reality that one in 60 persons may experience desires to indulge in sexually intimate contact with pre-pubescent minors cannot be “hoped away” by awareness or prayer alone. That brutal truth hit home last Sunday night. Yes, we all may wish that were not so, but every survivor knows it and cannot erase it. Denial, in fact, is what the mind often uses to cope with frightening and traumatic episodes too painful to face, at least at the time they are experienced. One in four women and one in six men are subjected to some form of sexual abuse in their youth, not to mention whatever forms of harassment they may be exposed to as adults. Men do not typically begin to be able to acknowledge such incidents until some 25 years after they have occurred. In a lively discussion that followed the performance of the one-man, one-act play, “Groomed,” last Sunday evening at Siena College, Patrick Sandford presented these “inconvenient truths” in the hope that more awareness may move us to find better ways of preventing incidents of abuse before they occur.

The award-winning play, performed by Mr. Sandford that night for the first time in the United States, has been presented internationally, including at the Vatican, in which he shares his story of childhood sexual abuse by his teacher, and it offers a rare opportunity to witness a survivor’s journey from trauma to healing. Patrick’s story explores the emotional and psychological effects of abuse, and the long and difficult path toward recovery. The play and the talkback that followed was hosted at the initiative of our diocesan Hope and Healing Committee members. I am so grateful to them and all who took part by their work and attendance. 

Those who attended were not only able to learn more of the devastating impact of abuse on one survivor, through its raw and honest portrayal, but also of how many others are impacted who were not directly involved. We have all become more aware in recent decades that the denial and cover-up of sexual abuse often reached massive proportions on institutional levels. One of the primary goals of the Charter for the Protection of Children and Young People was not only to address allegations of sexual abuse of minors by Catholic clergy, but to implement child protection protocols based on keen awareness of how to prevent and recognize, indeed interrupt grooming.

Not only by raising awareness through education and vigilance, but even logistically in the design and construction of spaces where young people gather, efforts are made to secure safe environments. Even more urgent now, however, is to develop greater accessibility to counseling and healing resources not only for survivors themselves but also for those who potentially might engage in the abuse.

In the discussion session following the play, in which Patrick presented the statistical information referenced about, he stressed the importance of having confidential hotlines not only for the reporting of abuse but also for those who might be experiencing desires that might lead them to activate them. It is important that they, too, become aware that there is help. Professional counselors were present at the showing who were on hand to offer support for anyone who might have found the play or the discussion emotionally difficult or triggering.

Information about our Hope and Healing Committee can be found on our diocesan website (www.rcda.org/hopeandhealing). The committee sponsors Masses and events such as the performance of “Groomed,” at which members and counselors are always available. Our assistance coordinator, Noelle Marie, stands ready to offer guidance (518-453-6646 or [email protected]) and is always available to meet personally. 

No matter when any abuse has happened or what the circumstances were, or who was involved, we encourage all victims and survivors to report any instance of abuse by a member of the clergy, an employee, or a volunteer. It takes courage and bravery to make a report. Be assured that you will be treated with respect and dignity.

In my pastoral ministry, I seek to accompany survivors who are willing and able to share their stories with me. I realize that there are often many obstacles to this including even that I am a bishop or wear a Roman collar. Even looking at a cross can be extremely painful, especially if the abuser was a member of the clergy who perpetrated his abusive activity in its shadow or in some sacred place. I can never apologize enough to survivors and indeed to everyone, clergy and laity, who have been so wounded by these terrible actions.

Perhaps some readers had thought of attending the performance of “Groomed” last Sunday but out of some fear or anxiety were not sure it was the right time or place, or that it was just outside your comfort zone at this time. I realize that everyone’s healing journey is not the same and that each of us must find our own way. What really touches at my heart is the painful awareness of how many people are suffering alone in silence. 

I continue to hope and pray that our Hope and Healing ministry can offer some way of saying that the light is on, and the door is open and, if ever any of our offerings should inspire anyone, to please take us up. Each of us has a story. Directly or indirectly, we are affected by one another’s sufferings and trials. I am personally so blessed by the gift of being given the chance to hear from so many courageous survivors. As I said to Patrick last Sunday, every survivor’s story is unique and powerful — and some, when told with such courage and dignity, can even rise to a form of art. No one should ever have to feel that their story is too horrible, sordid or insignificant to be shared, at the right time and in the right place. My heart goes out to you with deep respect and I thank you for listening. You are not alone.