What am I supposed to teach?

GUEST ESSAY: Be open and look for signs of God in your life.

THE ROSARY

Have you ever experienced God or a higher power in your life? Have you ever wondered if God or a higher power was real? I’m going to share with you how I discovered God in my own life.

I knew from as far back as I can remember that God and the Spirit were always with me. I could sense God around me as a little boy while I went about my day playing with friends and watching cartoons.

One day as I played with my friend outside I heard a loud thunderous voice in my right ear call my name “Jamie.” I said, “What?” in response to my name being called, but no response came. I knew then at that moment that was God calling my name and that he was and will always be with me. I was just 4 years old.

Later as I attended grade school, I went to a Catholic school where I was taught by nuns. It was there we prayed daily, learned religion, attended Mass and learned the importance of incorporating prayer into our daily lives. It was there I learned of a prayer corner. At home in the corner of my bedroom stood a small altar where I had statues of Jesus and Mary where I could pray. As part of our homework assignment, we were tasked with praying every night before bed. Sometimes when I would pray I felt God was listening. Other times I felt I was rambling on and I was speaking into thin air and no one was really listening to what I was saying.

Regardless, this act of praying helped set the foundation for how I pray today.

Raise your hand if you have a favorite teacher that you remember from school? My third-grade teacher was the best teacher I ever had. She would allow me and another student to stay after school to help in the classroom and correct papers and hang out in the teachers’ lounge.

This is when I first felt I should be teaching. Sometimes I would be drawn to the front of the classroom and look at the sea of empty chairs and pretend like I was teaching.

I didn’t know what I was supposed to teach, though.

While we completed our tasks we were asked to do, I watched our teacher sit at her desk to pray and say the Rosary. The Rosary is a set of prayers and a string of beads or knots used to count the prayers. It’s like a mantra. Watching my teacher pray and say the Rosary had a profound effect on me.

While in school one day, I recall when the Pope John Paul II was shot. He survived the shooting, but after he recovered, he later went to go see his would-be assassin in jail. As he sat in the jail cell with this man who tried to take his life, he forgave him. This was a powerful message because it taught me about forgiveness.

As I entered adulthood, my church attendance dwindled, as did my praying because I didn’t feel my life was going in the direction I wanted it to. When I prayed I didn’t feel like I was being heard and I felt God wasn’t listening to me.

A couple of years had gone by without praying or attending church. One night I decided I wanted to start praying again. Out of sheer desperation and, literally it felt like sweating blood to get God to listen to me, I asked God, “What do you want me to do with my life? What is it that I’m supposed to do? What is my purpose?” I didn’t receive an answer nor did I expect to receive one. Frustrated, I laid down and eventually drifted off to sleep.

Several hours later I got up to use the bathroom. I put my feet on the floor and suddenly I heard a loud thunderous voice in my right ear. This was the same thunderous voice that I heard when I was 4 years old. The voice said, “TEACH.” I replied, “Teach what?” No answer came. I said, “If I’m supposed to teach, please tell me what to teach.” No response came.

Shortly after this encounter, I started reading books on life in heaven and why we come to earth fraught with hardships. My readings brought me comfort and knowledge and this continued well after I married and had a family. I continued to pray and attend church, but the question still lingered: What am I supposed to teach?

A few years ago, I decided I wanted to start praying the Rosary again. It had been over 30 years since I last prayed the Rosary. I found the rosary that my grandfather had given me as a little boy. I said, “God, if I’m supposed to be saying this Rosary, send me a sign to confirm I’m on the right path.”

As I sat down in a chair and picked up the rosary, I looked up and there was a vision of Mary in front me. I could almost make out the color of her crown, her veil and her face. This vision didn’t make me nervous or scared. In fact it was comforting to me because this confirmed I was on the right path.

I still didn’t know what I was supposed to teach

Today as I reflect back on my journey to discover God, I recognize that there were signs of God all along. I learned that if we aren’t praying or learning about God our lives become more difficult. God was always there. I just had to be open to look and to receive. My journey has taught me about love and forgiveness. I learned that the keys to life on earth are to love a lot and forgive a lot.  My journey inspired me to write and publish my first book titled, “You Are Not Alone.”

As far as what I’m supposed to teach, well I’m doing that right now. I’m teaching all of you. I’m supposed to be here in this group teaching all of you and sharing my journey with you. I’m proud to say that I’m not only a husband, father and nurse, but now I’m a teacher. My hope is that my teaching today inspires all of you to look at your own journey and question where you are at in your journey to help not only discover your connection with God or your higher power, but your life’s purpose. 

Jamie Brooks lives in Rotterdam and is a parishioner of Our Lady Queen of Peace in Rotterdam.