August 21, 2024 at 4:38 p.m.
‘A VERY INTERESTING LIFE’
Sister Marilyn Vassallo, CSJ, has donned many hats in her lifetime.
In 1964, she was a postulant for the Sisters of St. Joseph of Carondelet after entering at age 17. She was a middle-school teacher and director for religious education. She returned to school and became a canon lawyer, serving multiple dioceses across the country with her knowledge, strength of character and leadership.
Now, her latest assignment is as important as ever: finding stillness and peace as she enters into retirement.
Sister Marilyn has always been a go-getter, and it’s apparent in clues around parts of her home. Her office is filled with certificates and accolades from her studies, and her life is filled with trailblazing moments. In the main living room hangs a framed photo of Sister Marilyn shaking hands with Pope John Paul II during a visit to the Vatican with other canon lawyers in 1981.
Sister Marilyn shaking hands with Pope John Paul II during a visit to the Vatican with other canon lawyers in 1981. But beyond her work, she’s been a kind friend, sister and confidant to the many people in her life. That is even more apparent in her home: A photo of Sister Marilyn smiling beside her hairdresser at her daughter’s baptism, collections of photos with CSJ sisters and friends, and various trinkets and works of art (many gifted, some bought herself) that remind her of the people whom she loves.
It’s a life that’s led to countless “God moments,” times when her adventures or life missions just fell into place. As a child, Sister Marilyn recalled always wanting a life of adventure, to explore new places and see the world. Over time, almost without even realizing it, countless doors began to open for her, and her life began to expand.
“I had a very interesting life,” Sister Marilyn told The Evangelist.
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Sister Marilyn was born in Syracuse and raised by her parents, Nelsie and Orlando, who divorced when she was 4. Even as a child, she felt how uncommon divorce was in the 1950s, and the couple was never able to receive an annulment — but it later helped her in her work with others struggling with divorce.
In her freshman year of high school, Sister Marilyn left public school and joined St. John the Evangelist High School (now closed) with a few friends who also switched to the school.
It’s also how she met the Sisters of St. Joseph, who ran the school and opened her eyes to religious life.
“They had marvelous sisters,” she said. “You know how people joke about the nuns? These were the cream of the crop. They were absolutely wonderful.”
Moreover, the sisters were kind to her and her family: “The sisters were so good to my mother and they took a real interest in me. That was one of the things I saw and I thought marriage wasn’t the only choice. Mom knew I wanted to travel and go all over the world because I wanted to experience a lot of things before I settled.”
After entering, she moved to St. Joseph Provincial House in Latham and studied history at The College of Saint Rose. She taught middle-school students at St. James School in Albany and later switched to St. Bernard’s and St. Agnes Schools in Cohoes to teach Grade 6 and religion, which was just starting to be taught as a specialty. She taught classes while attending St. Michael’s College in Winooski, Vt., where she majored in theology.
Sister Mary Ann Fetcho, CSJ, (left), Sister Marilyn's mother (center, front) and Sister Patricia "Pat" Cairns, CSJ, (far right) pose with Sister Marilyn at her 50th anniversary party with the Sisters of Saint Joseph in Shreveport, Louisiana. At the same time, Sister Marilyn was approached about helping interview couples at the Albany Diocese’s Tribunal Office. It opened her world to the practice of canon law, and with a foundation of theology set, the practice became something she wanted to pursue.
Sister Marilyn received her JCL and MCL from Saint Paul’s University in Ottawa, Ontario. It was an experience that opened up her world: “I went to school with people all over the world,” she said.
She went to work in the Marriage Tribunal Office in Scranton, Pa., as a Defender of the Bond before being offered a position as Judge/Defender of the Bond for the Diocese of Birmingham, Ala.
In 1998, she was offered to be Director of the Marriage Tribunal for the Diocese of Shreveport, La., — a position seldom held by women then.
Father Greg Bittner, judge for the diocesan Tribunal Office in Birmingham, told Sister Marilyn she had to take the job. “He said I hate to see you move, but it will be a great opportunity for you,” she recalled. “This is a Northeastern girl from Syracuse who just wanted to enter the convent and teach! And here we are now.”
Sister Marilyn started at the Marriage Tribunal and then, for the next 13 years, worked as Director of Canonical Services and Coordinator for Religious for the Catholic Center in Shreveport. She ran workshops in Louisiana on the process of annulments, teaching the laity and answering questions. It gave her a foundation for when she was approached to run spiritual retreats, which opened up another new door.
“When people come for spiritual direction, some of the goodness of people blows my mind,” she said. “They talk to someone who doesn’t know them, and they reveal themselves. You know, you’ve got something sacred there.”
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In 2013, Sister Marilyn felt she had given the right amount of time to the South.
“It was my 50th year in the convent, and I had been offered other things … but I thought it was time for me to go home,” she said. “It’s time for me to now live in this area and get more involved in the community.”
She moved back upstate and began working for Canon Law Professionals in Glenmont. Two years later, she became Defender of the Bond for the Tribunal Office for the Albany Diocese. She gave the next eight years to both before retiring earlier this year.
Stepping back from her work has allowed Sister Marilyn to focus more on her spirituality, retreats, and her ability to help others connect with God.
“I want to be able to help people discover the Christ in them,” she said. “I’ve always wanted that.”
Sister Marilyn stands in front of her art on display in her office at home. She hopes to continue painting in retirement, something that helps connect her with her spirit. On Sept. 20, Sister Marilyn will help lead a retreat at the Dominican Retreat & Conference Center in Niskayuna themed after the Scripture, “I am the vine, you are the branches, remain in me.” (Jn 15:1-5) It’s part of the way Sister Marilyn hopes to continue to bring God’s love to others: “God provides the grace to deal with what you need to deal with,” she said.
Now, Sister Marilyn always starts her morning with prayer, which gives her peace for the day. She’ll “feed the gang” (fill up her always-somehow-empty birdfeeder, a testament to its popularity) and watch for the deer and her baby who wander through her backyard. She’ll sit in silence in the yard, listening for the Holy Spirit.
“I can sit here for hours looking at the birds and the doe that will be coming out soon,” she said. “This is a grace.”
In her spare time, Sister Marilyn hopes to get more into her painting, a passion she’s had for years. And if she’s not catching up on the news or attending Mass (either in-person or on the television), she’s reading books on spirituality or continuing to pray for her loved ones.
Reflecting on her work, Sister Marilyn gives a great deal of thanks to the sisters who buoyed her throughout her life and opened doors of opportunities for her.
“The sisters allowed me to explore and also paid for my education,” she said. “I was allowed to get the tools, and I was allowed to make a lot of mistakes … I wouldn’t have had what I had or the experiences (I had) if I hadn’t had the support of the Sisters of St. Joseph.”
Before her mother passed away, Sister Marilyn recalls one of their final conversations: “She said, ‘I am glad you did with your life what you did,’ ” she said. “That was really a very comforting statement … I found to be able to serve the community and the church was a very good life for me.”
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