Are you there, God?

After a terrible loss, what would the answer be?

Over the past few years, I have had a fair number of my Roman Catholic friends tell me that, for whatever reason, they have “given up on prayer.” As a fellow Roman Catholic, I was troubled by this comment. Holding my breath, I was bold enough to ask each of them, “Why?” I always received the same answer, “Because they just don’t work.” My response was always the same. God always answers our prayers but we may not always understand His answer. I can still hear the nuns in my Catholic elementary and high school dogmatically stating, “Ask and you shall receive.”

I’ve had a sad event in my own life recently which has made me reflect on that quick, comeback answer to my friends. I asked myself if they were right and I was wrong.

Several months ago, I lost my wife of 44 years to Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis (ALS), commonly called Lou Gehrig’s disease. It is a devastating disease that is, at this time, incurable. Since that night of Jan. 13, 2023, I have suffered every day and night, unable to adjust to losing her, unable to cope at all with my grief, unable to deal with the loneliness. I’ve read many books on overcoming grief, and I’m part of three grief support groups, I’ve sought professional counseling. All helped a bit but I still suffered each day and night.

However, shortly after that terrible night of my wife’s death, I started praying, thanks in part to the nuns who taught me for 12 years, “Ask and you shall receive.” At first, I was sure my prayers were not being heard or answered by God. I still felt the pain each day. Maybe my friends were right after all! I did not want to believe that so I thought more about prayer. I thought more about what the nun called “form prayers.” By that they meant those prayers that we, as a class, would have to memorize. Most commonly, these included “The Lord’s Prayer” and the “Hail Mary.” To help us learn those prayers, the nuns had us say the Rosary together as a class at least once a week. Most of us, at least in our high school grades, thought having to say the Rosary was an unreasonable task imposed on us.

But during my unending time of suffering, I decided to say the Rosary every evening. Did God listen any better? Did He help me all the more? Yes. I’m convinced that prayer does ease the pain. I am starting little by little to adjust to losing my wife. I’m starting to cope with my daily grief. I’m starting to accept the loneliness of living alone. I know that I will always miss my wife but I can hear God saying that in His time I’ll be reunited with her in paradise. 

I don’t know why it took the daily recitation of “form prayers” (the Rosary) to get God’s attention. What I do know is that He has His ways which I still don’t fully understand but I trust without a doubt.

This brings to mind a quote from the prophet Isaiah (55:9):

For my thoughts are not your thoughts,

nor are your ways my ways, says the Lord

So, to answer my own question … Are you there, God? The answer is YES.

Richard M. Holmes is a longtime reader of The Evangelist and he is a parishioner of the Cathedral of the Immaculate Conception in Albany.