July 13, 2023 at 12:55 a.m.
Hurry up and wait
It’s summer! I was beginning to wonder there for a while, but temperatures are promising to be well into the eighties in the forecastable future. It’s good when nature does what it’s supposed to do. Hurry up and get those grills working! Carpe diem. Gather ye rosebuds …
The weather does not always happen on schedule. But, then again, neither do people. I am sure we all have our battle stories about how long we had to wait for service, were left on hold or had to send reminders about a debt owed, an RSVP expected, a text unanswered. E-mails are the worst. If I don’t respond immediately, it’s likely I will never be able to find the message again, with all the spam that pours in every time the system refreshes. I never figured out how to search well because I never know whether the sender is using the name of an office or agency or, as often happens, their own name or e-mail address. Who’s voice is speaking anyway?
If we experience issues in trying to communicate in our ordinary day-to-day affairs, should it surprise us if sometimes our prayer channels and spiritual connections can get jammed up? I know it’s become fashionable these days for people — priests and seminarians do it all the time — to say to me they are taking some time “to discern.” This verb is probably borrowed from St. Ignatius, who developed a method often referred to as “discernment of spirits.”
Basically, it is something he discovered from his personal experience during a long period of recovery from a serious injury. His hosts were treating him quite well with all the creature comforts and amenities needed for his physical recuperation. However, for mental and spiritual stimulation, he only had his own imagination — and, as he came to discover, a book on the lives of the saints. Not being particularly inclined spiritually at the time, his boredom I suppose led him to pick up the book just to see if he might find some stories to entertain him.
Ignatius had enjoyed dreaming about the glories of winning conquests, both in the field and in his social life, always seeking to attract the attention of female admirers. The injury that seriously deformed his leg led him to fear a loss of attractiveness, only adding to his state of depression. So he tried to console himself with his own best memories and fantasies about adventures he might yet pursue. He noticed that these thoughts brought him some relief but that once he finished he felt a letdown.
Whenever he read an account of the lives of the saints he noticed the same thing at first. He would feel elated by their exploits, courage and adventures. Unlike when he was only indulging his own fantasies, however, he began to notice that the accounts of the saints lingered and left him with very positive thoughts and feelings. From these experiences, he began to develop a method that would prove useful in spiritual direction and has become a way, combined with much prayer, of discovering what the Holy Spirit is leading us toward.
Discernment is much more than just “feeling good” about something. He was on to something. How often self-indulgence, living it up so to speak, can feel fine while one is engaged in it, but the letdown after, the sense of emptiness and the yearning for something more persists. This is something with which those in recovery from various addictions are all too familiar with. The substance or “false god” has a way of relieving pain, anxiety or emotional hunger at first, only to lead to a deep letdown when “the fix” is in and over. Typically, an even larger dose or indulgence is needed the next time to get the same “high” until, gradually though inevitably, it takes control of the life of the user, almost like an evil spirit — or maybe, indeed, that is exactly what is behind it.
There are a lot of spirits out there that are competing for our attention and not all of them have our best interests at heart. I am always careful to warn anyone about this who tells me that they are “taking time to discern.” First of all, I want to assure them that it will take time. Discernment does not happen overnight or on our own schedule, just like the weather. St. Teresa of Avila spoke of “weather” in the spiritual life as being just as “inevitable” as the meteorological realities we deal with every day in the summer, when we plan picnics and barbecues and outings to a lake or beach.
Being caught in the rain alone is a cold and lonely experience. Most of us can relate to this. Being soaked in the rain with friends is an adventure! At the very least, we will have someone to share the memories with. Spiritual discernment, likewise, requires accompaniment. We do not discern well when we are all alone. As I mentioned above, the Evil One and his minions are all-too-ready to swoop in when we are trying to pilot our own spiritual craft in the storms of our lives, offering false islands of security and a satisfaction that will not bring us the peace and fulfillment we need. That false island could be a person, place or thing — or even some activity or diversion one runs into at some shopping mall, whether at a virtual (online) or geographical address.
How often I have heard a good soul complain to me that they have been praying so hard and have not gotten an answer, not even a hint of whether God is even listening. Well how long have you been praying, I might mischievously ask. “Like two weeks!” (Not an uncommon answer.) Okaaay. So maybe God is not exactly on our time scale. Maybe God would like us to wait — to discern? — a wee bit longer. Or, maybe we have not been listening closely enough. It is possible the prayer will not be answered directly in our own thoughts, but through the actions or suggestions of others, through a totally unexpected experience.
The key is, I think, how ready we are to change and be changed, actually how willing we are to grow. There is nothing wrong with the kind of prayer which asks God for specific things. So long as they are good things — health, happiness, friendship and holiness, for example — it is reasonable to expect that God will give us what we ask for (cf. Mt. 7:11-12). If we are asking for God to show us a path forward, “to discern” where God wishes to lead us, the scriptures remind us that it may be God’s will that we leave some things behind. Remember what Jesus asked of the rich young man who wanted to follow Him (Mt. 19:16-30, Mk. 10:17-22, Lk. 18:18-30). How far are we willing to go with Jesus when we ask from Him the favor of his company? Or would we just prefer to take the gift we are asking from God and leave God alone! God wants to accompany us. Do we want God’s company?
Discernment is much more than a process of getting from God what we want, or think we want. The synodal process that Popes Benedict and Francis have encouraged us to follow is one of discernment indeed. That requires on our part patient listening and openness to hearing God’s voice, the Holy Spirit, not our own alone. God surely listens to us and knows what is in our hearts, but what we might desire — or think we want — is not always what is best for us personally or as a community. God is not at war with our wills, but God sees and wills so much more who we are and what we may become than our vision is even capable of. It may surprise us to learn that where God is leading us is beyond our imagination, but if we are willing to wait for it, to wait for God, it may take us well beyond the limits we have set for ourselves — or even for God. Referencing Isaiah (64:3), St. Paul writes, “ ‘eye has not seen, and ear has not heard, and what has not entered the human heart, what God has prepared for those who love him,’ this God has revealed us through the Holy Spirit” (1 Cor. 2:9-10).
Follow Bishop Ed online @AlbanyDiocese.
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