Saving the planet, one kid at a time

As a parent with four young children, ages two to eight, I can attest that there are ways a big Catholic family is eco-conscious that don’t involve discount potato salad and an ill-timed whale-watching trip.

In fact, anyone can take these simple steps:

1. Toys: Everyone knows that toys get passed down and reused in a big family. That’s super “green.” Not only are toys passed down within a family, but other families, seeing that you have more children than you can reasonably keep track of, will take advantage of your lack of attention and leave their toys with you, too — sometimes in a pile on your lawn in the middle of the night. Look at that: You’re helping others recycle.

2. Clothes: Whether it’s the flowered rain boots your four-year-old boy wears or the “Keep On Trucking” onesie that his baby sister has adopted, clothes are passed down in larger families, often past the point of social acceptability. When that same baby sister spends her days whacking the snot out of a tree in your front yard, wearing her brother’s clothes, and a friendly neighbor notices her skill with a whiffle ball bat and comments, “Wow, he’s got a natural swing,” you’ll just smile and nod. That feeling of pride rising in your chest? That’s for saving the rainforest.

3. Car trips: Big families have big cars, but when trips are taken, a small army is being transported, which makes up for the lousy gas mileage. The modern minivan is a wonderful thing. There are four identical rear window seats, so naturally everybody fights over the one good one. You load the van and adjust the mirrors and, in mere hours, you will safely and comfortably still be parked in your driveway. Between the snack requests, the potty breaks, the toys forgotten and retrieved and the seats stolen and recovered, you will not have moved five feet. No matter; by this point, you’ve given up on the idea of a trip and returned to the house. Pat yourself on the back: Your MPGs were fantastic.

4. TV: Once inside, you’ll rack up more eco-points as you put on Netflix and hand the two-year-old the remote (don’t worry, she knows how to work it), hoping for just 45 minutes of quiet. Smaller families might only have one or two kids silenced by a TV, but not you. You get four for the price of one. Your kid-to-kilowatt ratio is out of this world. Hashtag “green family.” Hashtag “winning.”

You’ll conscientiously avoid high-carbon-footprint activities like flying on airplanes, eating at restaurants, wearing clean socks or buying fancy bottled water flown from halfway around the world. Of course, this is mostly because you are broke and your monthly grocery bill rivals the GDP of a small nation. But, still, major green cred for not doing those things.

You’ll also become quite adept at fixing things, because something is being broken every 94 seconds. Who needs a Prius when you have gaffer’s tape?

You will want to buy LED bulbs to replace all your old light bulbs (which are now illegal, you criminal). You’ll need the LEDs because one of your children will make it their mission to never walk by a light without turning it on. But, due to all that efficiency, we might have the Arctic sea ice for an additional 27 minutes!

There you have it: some simple ways even large families can be green, easier than saying, “Laudato Si’” (Latin for, “Recycle, yes”).

There are other steps, of course: Live in a modest home, keep the heat down, avoid purchasing unnecessary things and invest in good insulation, all in the name of that astronomical grocery bill — and the planet.

You’ll also hope to raise kids who laugh often, entertain each other, understand the gift of God’s creation and learn to do without too much stuff...or at least not look down on stuff that’s been repaired numerous times. Hashtag “sustainable.”

(Mr. McAvoy is director of marketing and communications for Catholic Charities of the Diocese of Albany.)