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This summer, my oldest son will be getting married. I am thrilled for him, and for his fiancée, a bright young woman who is as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside.

For months, I have been pondering the perfect wedding gift. If I could give them any gift in the whole wide world, anything at all, what would I give them?

I have come to this conclusion: I would give them a life just like the one my husband and I have been blessed to live. Our 30 years of married life have been marked by days that were better and days that were worse; days that were richer and days that were poorer; days in sickness and days in good health -- just like the vows had foretold.

I wouldn't wish it any other way.

Marriage is a process. It is not an immediate step into "happily ever after." There are twists and turns and stages. Sometimes, the better and the worse come very close together.

Two years after we were married, Joe and I signed the papers to purchase our first house. We were so elated, I don't think our feet were touching the ground.

The very next day, Joe lost his job and I miscarried our first baby. I did not think we could sink any lower. The only reason we were able to pick ourselves up and start again is because God is the foundation of our relationship, the glue that ties our bond and makes us whole. His love and His grace saw us through.

Just a few short years later, our second baby was born into this world -- Joey -- fruit of our love and our ultimate joy, the clearest reflection of God. I pray that Joey and his bride will be blessed with the gift of children: little ones who will spill their Cheerios all over the pews at Sunday Mass, who will challenge their parents every waking moment of their teenage years and who will grow into kind, generous, honest human beings, just like their mom and dad.

Once the married couple find themselves in an empty nest, I hope they will fill it with new adventures, fresh additions, a deeper sense of connectedness and mature love.

I wish I could tie a ribbon around the simple things in life to give to them on their wedding day. I want them to:

•  burst with pride when their child graduates from kindergarten;

•  exhale with relief when they pay off their mortgage;

•  fortify each other when they hold hands and pray the "Our Father;"

•  laugh...at the dog, at the world, at each other, at themselves;

•  appreciate when their spouse cleans out the closet, even if they make a mess of it;

•  talk through their disagreements and forgive each other;

•  not sweat the small stuff; and

•  know that they were destined for each other, not for anyone else -- called by God to the beautiful vocation of married life.

I do not wish them esteemed positions, a prestigious address or an unlimited bank account. I wish them a lifetime to have and to hold, a lifetime of love and faithfulness to each other and to the Lord.

(Mrs. Gallagher is director of pro-life activities for the New York State Catholic Conference, based in Albany.)[[In-content Ad]]

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