Wisdom gleaned from scores of commencements

June is the time for graduation from grammar and high schools, college, and graduate schools. Each year, valedictorians, salutatorians, commencement speakers, honorary-degree recipients and class presidents offer their best wishes and sage advice to departing students.

Let me share some of the wisdom I have heard in attending 10 to 15 of these events each spring for many years.

Initially, let me relate some tips for successful living offered by the popularizer of contemporary psychological thought, Dr. Joyce Brothers. Not coincidentally, her psychological insights mirror well the time-tested and track-proven wisdom of the Hebrew Scriptures and the New Testament.

Happiness

First, we must realize that many of the factors associated with happiness -- for example, wealth, fame and good fortune -- aren't really connected to it.

As the psychologist David Meyers points out, "If you're sailing on the Titanic, a first-class ticket can't get you where you want to go."

Fame, too, can be a ticket to disaster, as the wretched lives of so many popular athletes and Hollywood stars well attest. And while good fortune, such as winning the lottery, may give one a temporary rush of euphoria, it won't last very long.

Self-esteem

Rather, self-esteem is the most significant determinate of happiness. Therefore, we must know ourselves, and evaluate our strengths and weaknesses.

Weakness is part of the human condition. We must be able to forgive ourselves for our mistakes and cease beating ourselves up over past failures. Then, we will be more free to build upon our strengths and to experience other emotions, like happiness.

We shouldn't have unrealistic expectations. If we anticipate a steady diet of happiness, we are sure to be disappointed because there are plenty of times when life hurts.

Rather, the best way to invite happiness is to respect and accept its ebbs and flows. From these pains will come life's gains.

Acceptance

Next, we must learn what and when to change. Happiness is a balance between making life go our way and accepting what has come our way.

In evaluating our life's circumstances, therefore, we must consider what can't be fixed, what's best accepted and what must be changed.

The serenity prayer of Alcoholics Anonymous captures this insight well: "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference."

Sharing

Next, we must be other-centered. Research reveals that people who share generously their time and their gifts are the happiest. When we help others, in other words, we feel good. It's as simple as that!

Albert Schweitzer, the renowned 20th-century explorer and missionary, put it well in a memorable commencement address. He said to the graduates, "I don't know what your future will be. But of this I am sure: Only those among you will succeed who have sought and found out how to serve."

Room for God

In addition, we must live spiritually. Unfortunately, in today's highly secularized culture, far too many live without any reference to the transcendent-- namely, to that which lies beyond what we can see, touch, taste, hear and smell.

This, then, translates into a rather mechanistic or functional approach to life wherein people cannot, or at least do not, ask questions about ultimate meaning. Possessions, power and pleasure become society's dominant values, and a competitive model of human behavior becomes the means to achieve them.

That is why we must learn to live spiritually. Again, studies prove conclusively that people with religious faith and affiliation are far happier and more content than those without such affiliation.

Time for prayer

We should strive to set time aside each day for prayer, giving thanks to God for our blessings and making known to the Master of the Universe our needs, concerns, hopes, desires and expectations.

If we do that, God will be there for us: to quiet our fears, to soothe our doubts, to heal our wounds and to impart the consoling peace that God alone can give.

Pope John Paul II delivered much of the same advice as Dr. Brothers to more than 80,000 young people crammed into the Superdome in New Orleans during his 1987 visit to the United States: "Young people of America, you have many different gifts to offer and many diverse ways to utilize them. However, there is no room in your life for selfishness. Selfishness destroys the meaning of life; it destroys the meaning of love; it reduces a person to a subhuman level."

Serving others

In other words, the late Holy Father was saying that fulfillment in life comes not from the attainment of things, not from leisure time nor from self-indulgence, but from serving others and from doing things that help others.

Echoing Pope John Paul II, Peace Corps founder and 1972 vice presidential candidate Sargent Shriver put it this way: "If you want to be a success in life, break all your mirrors, so that in our self-absorbed society you can spend more time looking at others and less at yourself; more time learning about the face of your neighbor and less about your own."

On our way

These thoughts, given to those completing their academic studies and commencing their life's careers, are truly sound advice for all of us at every stage of life.

I hope that our lives in the days ahead will be characterized by self-esteem...realistic expectations...the ability to change appropriately and constructively...other-centeredness...selflessness...and spirituality.

If that is the case, we can be assured that our lives and our careers will truly give honor and glory to God, and bring hope, peace and betterment to God's people.

(6/9/05) [[In-content Ad]]