Whether it's fixing lunch or fixing cars, it's all in a day's work for this dad

A few minutes later, Kaitlin Rose tells her dad she's done eating, but she admits dropping some of her sandwich. "Which half fell on the floor?" asks dad. "The half with the jelly?"

Kaitlin Rose sheepishly replies, "Uh-huh." A follow-up question comes from dad: "Is there jelly on the floor?" Pausing for a moment, Kaitlin Rose answers, "Um, nope." Upon further inspection, it turns out the sandwich fell on her leg, and there is, in fact, no jelly on the floor.

Dad at home

"We did not want to put our children in day care," said Mr. Trimboli, whose family belongs to St. Vincent de Paul Church in Albany. "We felt that one of us should be home. It's not like it hasn't been a struggle living on one paycheck today, but it can be done."

A Brooklyn native, Mr. Trimboli was living in Syracuse and working as a chef at a Greek restaurant when he met his future wife, who grew up in Saugerties. She was moving into his building and asked to borrow his phone; he didn't own one because his job kept him away from home most of the time. They fell in love, moved to Albany in 1984 and married a year later.

Family decision

First came Sam, who developed intestinal problems and needed special care. "I had 18 glass bottles that I would have to sterilize," Mr. Trimboli said.

Then came Kaitlin Rose, whose case of colic made her scream and cry for four hours a day. His children's illnesses, Mr. Trimboli pointed out, simply were indicative of babies' susceptibility to health problems, and he didn't consider them unexpected challenges.

Pitching in

Being a stay-at-home dad means Mr. Trimboli does everything a woman would do if her husband worked outside the home: cooking meals, doing laundry, washing dishes, buying groceries. He doesn't try to replace his wife, just complement her by doing his part around the house.

"It's not role reversal. She's their mother. I'm not. I'm their father," he said.

That doesn't mean Mr. Trimboli is excused from the tasks usually performed by men, such as fixing cars, mowing the lawn or painting the garage, a double standard that he merely accepts. "A woman who stays home normally would not do those things. I have to do them -- and this," he said, pointing to the lemon chicken he would prepare for dinner.

On-the-job training

"We have absolutely no training," he said. "We men, and even some women, don't know what it's like. You learn quickly. The job is the same whether you're male or female."

Mr. Trimboli, who remembers how his parents raised him, has taken those lessons and adapted them to his own way of parenting. His father had him memorize math problems and recite the answers in front of relatives, or he would make him practice writing, even if it meant dad's hand guided his son's. Mr. Trimboli prefers helping his children understand why two plus two equals four instead of having them show off their knowledge; he also read with Sam, now in third grade, for three hours a day. Sam is now reading at a 10th grade level.

Food and toys

He's also cost-conscious in other ways, borrowing movies from the library instead of renting them from a video store, and maintaining old toys rather than buying new ones. How old are these toys? A Tonka truck and Schwinn bicycle that Mr. Trimboli played with as a boy are part of his kids' collection.

BY staying at home to be with his children, "you have the ability to really influence and be there in way that males haven't been throughout American history," Mr. Trimboli said. "I don't have to give my son a Super Nintendo [to make up for not being] around for six months."

Rewards

"Some people think it's fantastic, some people think you're an idiot, some people think you shouldn't be doing it," he said.

His children's friends know that he stays at home, even if they don't exactly understand what it is he does there. One of Sam's classmates asked Mr. Trimboli, "What are you, an interior designer, or do you just watch TV all day?"

He doesn't mind people knowing what he does; after all, kids at school know about each other's family life and whose parents are divorced, so he doesn't see why his work is such a big deal.

"I'm their father, enough to where I've given up my job to be with them," he said.

Changes ahead

"I will be home when the children go to school, and I will be home when they get home," he said.

Until then, Mr. Trimboli will get to read his Father's Day cards and try out some of his gifts: a juicer, flashlight and barbecue grill. "Father's Day is a week after my birthday," he said. "I can't go wrong."

(06-17-99) [[In-content Ad]]