April 6, 2018 at 1:53 p.m.
PERSPECTIVE
When a loved one goes to prison
When a family member, friend or loved one is jailed:
• It is important for people around the inmate to respect and take care of themselves. Many times, unpleasant but real feelings of anger, betrayal, shame and embarrassment are being felt. If they are not dealt with, they can turn into depression. Find a friend or professional therapist who will listen and not try prematurely to talk you out of your feelings; then you'll have a better chance of making a connection.
• Visiting or writing an inmate does not necessarily imply that you have concluded he or she is totally innocent. You are affirming a deeper love bond that goes far beyond the behaviors that brought the person to jail. Given the possibility that the inmate's self-love and respect have been compromised by incarceration, love and friendship affirmations should be repeated often. Modest contributions to their commissary account can be another love expression.
• Going to jail or prison can be a rude awakening. Pretenses, excuses and lies usually fall flat when residents don uni-colored jumpsuits. Then comes the scarcity of the usual freedoms, and multiple regulations. These realities create an environment where many inmates undergo a conversion: "I'll never do anything that will bring me back here." Cynics may say that kind of conversion is only connected with pain, but incarceration can create a decisive time - not only for the inmates, but for all kinds of relationships around them. Such turnabouts call for support, and for challenges as to the specifics of the change.
• Often, a loved one going to jail or prison presents a challenge to forgiveness. Be patient with yourself. It may be a long journey, and you need prayer and support. I try to recall how many times I have been unconditionally forgiven and ask myself why others should not be offered the same gift.
• Jails are hardly the easiest environment for dealing with illegal drug addiction, but they can be very effective. Every effort is made to keep contraband out of facilities. When you notice an inmate slowly beginning to manifest feelings - coming back to life, sometimes after years of being practically dead - tell them what you are seeing. Become an honest cheerleader of the changes. It could be a crucial piece in staying clean.
• Contact the prison chaplain and encourage the resident to do the same. [[In-content Ad]]
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