Whalen's 11: Family is also sizable in love

From the outside looking in, it's difficult to understand how Jim and Maggie Whalen of Bethlehem consider themselves blessed.

Four of their 11 children are developmentally and/or physically disabled: Margaret Mary and Mitzi, 23, have cerebral palsy; Devin, 19, is hydrocephalic; and Angel, 13, has Dandy-Walker Syndrome. Bridget, now deceased, was born with spina bifida and lived just six years. Margaret Mary is deaf; Mitzi, blind. Devin and Angel communicate only through gestures and grunts.

From the inside looking out, however, Mr. Whalen says: "God chose a path for us that we never would have chosen for ourselves. We consider each one of our children a very special, unique gift to us."

Adding up

During the first 11 years of their marriage, the Whalens had six children, culminating in Margaret Mary.

But their joy turned to grave concern as the baby's development lagged. They attributed it to the fact that she had been a small baby. But, by the time she was ten months old, she was diagnosed with CP.

"We were devastated at first," Mr. Whalen recalled. "We prayed a lot about it and consulted with our pastor. It was a difficult time for us both."

Family meeting

When they had finally accepted their daughter's diagnosis, they explained Margaret Mary's condition to the other children.

"I remember telling the kids that she would never be doing most of the things that they were doing, like riding a bicycle, or running and jumping," Mrs. Whalen said. "I was very concerned about how they would react to the news.

"Colleen, our oldest, was just about 10 or 11 at the time. When I finished my prepared speech, she thought for a minute, shrugged her shoulders and said: 'Okay, she'll just be a little different,' and off she went to play.

"That was it! I was surprised, but the children easily accepted Margaret Mary just as she was. Jim and I discovered that we were the ones that would be doing all the adjusting, not the kids."

Acceptance

It wasn't until months later, when the Whalens met a young couple at church, that they began to accept their daughter's disability. The younger pair were waiting to adopt a developmentally disabled child.

"They told us they had heard about Margaret Mary's disability," Mrs. Whalen explained. "They wanted to hold her and told us how beautiful they thought she was, and that she was such a special gift from God."

Soon after, the Whalens adopted Mitzi, who had been living in a foster home.

"The couple was elderly and didn't feel as if they could properly care for her as time went on. They loved her so much. It was very painful for them to give her up," Mrs. Whalen said. "Mitzi is the same age as Margaret Mary. She also has cerebral palsy. They are almost like twins; they're very close."

The two young women now live in a nearby group home. Margaret Mary ministers to the elderly at Our Lady of Mercy Life Center in Guilderland and visits prisoners through the diocesan Residents Encounter Christ program.

"The prisoners just love her," noted Mr. Whalen, who is involved in REC. "She has a real affinity for the elderly, the marginalized. She sees beauty in people that no one else can see."

Expansion

As each new family member joined the household, Mrs. Whalen noted that the children accepted them and took on responsibilities.

"In other households, chores include taking out the trash, sweeping the floors," she said. "In ours, they are a bit different. It's feed your brother or sister, or help dress them. That never changes."

Most of the children are grown and living on their own, but they stop by frequently to help with Devin and Angel, who remain with their parents.

"We all need somebody," Mrs. Whalen noted. "These children just happen to need somebody in a slightly different way. What they require most is love, respect, attention and care -- what everyone needs. They have a human soul just like everyone else."

Said Shannon: "I love being a part of this family. We've had a lot of tough times together, but we have also had so many more good times. I have been given so much more than I could ever have received as part of another family. We all have a sense of humor in this family, which has helped us through the hard times -- and I've loved at least 85 percent of it. We are great people!"

(The 11 Whalen children are Colleen, 33; Jim, 32; Dan, 31; Shannon, 30; Matthew, 28; Margaret Mary, 23; Mitzi, 23; Julie, 22; Devin, 19; Angel, 13; and Bridget, now deceased. After 34 years of marriage, the Whalens also count nine grandchildren among their blessings -- with two more on the way.)

(11/4/04)