Wedding plans must include sacramental side of big day

They also should remember that choosing music for the ceremony, participating in marriage preparation and obtaining their baptismal certificates are just as important tasks.

Parish staff members and diocesan representatives spoke with The Evangelist about their suggestions for engaged couples to follow as their wedding draws near.

Ilion planning

The parish has a set of guidelines for the process, and Father Benintende recommends couples contact him at least six months before the wedding, or a year in advance if either the man or woman is under 21.

During the months before the wedding, he meets with a couple three or four times and gives them the booklet "Together for Life" to help them plan the liturgy.

Making decisions

Scripture readings and music must be chosen, and "our policy is that nothing that is not sacred music can be used," he said.

The couple fills out a questionnaire designed to help them address such issues as communication, finances, spirituality and sexuality that could come up in marriage, even though "many of the couples who are getting married are cohabiting. It's one of the issues we have to face," Father Benintende said.

Experience counts

Marriage prep requirements for couples depend on the parish where they're getting married, according to Mary Moriarty, associate director of the diocesan Family Life Office.

Diocesan programs include Pre-Cana, a one-day session in a parish or cluster; Engaged Encounter; or Remarriage Preparation for widows, widowers and those whose previous marriages have been annulled.

Sponsors

"The real thrust is being hospitable and nonjudgmental, so that the Sponsor Couple becomes the face of the Church," she said. "I see it as a form of evangelization."

The diocesan Family Life Office already is receiving calls for marriage preparation for next year, so Mrs. Moriarty recommends that engaged couples begin their preparation one year in advance.

Another issue that needs to be covered is that "the wedding is not just about two people getting married; it's about two families saying goodbye to their children and letting go," Mrs. Moriarty said.

That's an issue mentioned in a new booklet produced by the diocesan Family Life Office: "The Family Celebrates Marriage -- Two Shall Become One."

Campus wedding

One or both people getting married must be a Siena graduate, staff member or relative, and couples contact Father Sabak six to ten months before the wedding on average. Music ministers from the college can be requested.

Couples getting married at Siena are asked to participate in marriage preparation either at St. Pius X Church in Loudonville or their home parish because "we are not a parish in our own right," Father Sabak said.

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