Ways to recover from grief

* Normalize the grief process and realize that grief comes to everyone. "I'm not minimizing 9/11, but life does include trauma," said Father Malecki.

* Identify and put into words the feelings of grief. The psychologist said it's good for people to say, "God, it's crazy," or "I'm mad at God."

* Actualize the loss. Father Malecki remarked that it was good for then-New York City Mayor Rudolph Giuliani to attend memorial services for 9/11 victims, because it helped their families to realize the people were really gone and say, "My father is dead." Said the priest: "We fail to appreciate the importance of rituals."

* Remember that the length of the grief process varies with each person. For many, said Father Malecki, the second year will be more painful, because the initial shock and numbness have worn off, and grief becomes more intense.

* For those who become arrested in the grief process, intensive therapy should be recommended. Father Malecki noted that group therapy and eye-movement desensitization are two types of therapy that have proven helpful. In groups, he said, the members are "like witnesses" to one another's grief. Call the Consultation Center at 489-4431 or Counseling for Laity at 453-6625.

* Reading material on grief, including the famous work of Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, the writings of British psychiatrist Dr. Colin-Murray Parkes and the book "A Grief Observed" by C.S. Lewis may help. (KB)

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