VIOLENCE AFFECTING TEENS HERE

Some young people are now entertaining thoughts that what happened in Littleton could happen at their schools. Some are also watching the events in Kosovo closely, wondering if the war will escalate and lead to a draft.

Matt Monahan, a 17-year-old parishioner at St. Mary's Church in Glens Falls and high school senior, said, "I've been following both. It seems like our school is doing all right. But when it happens, you can't help thinking if there is someone in our school [who could do that]. The scary part is you're never sure where it's going to happen. As far as Kosovo, I see the pictures, and it looks so much like the Holocaust [that] it's a definite red flag."

As he watches the events in Kosovo unfold, Matt said he has thought about a possible draft. "It doesn't seem like it's in the near future," he said. "I'll deal with it when it gets here."

'Scary' events

When it comes to the war in Kosovo, she said some of her friends aren't paying attention while others are. One friend is planning a peace rally.

"My friends are comparing Littleton to Kosovo," she said. "Clinton said about Littleton that he didn't want children being killed, yet he's killing them in the Kosovo war."

Pressure

Not only do teens have to deal with the normal pressures of high school, like making friends and dating, but they must also worry about getting into college.

Eileen Davenport, associate director of the Albany Diocesan Drug Education Ministry (ADDEM), a prevention ministry program, agreed that "there is more stress. They live in a different world than we did. They have things to worry about that we never did."

College stress

This need to go to college has led some parents to put undue pressure on their children to succeed in school and extracurricular activities to guarantee a slot in the college of their choice, Mrs. McCune said. Often, rather than supporting one another, parents compete through the accomplishments of their children.

Even the teenage dating scene is different, Mrs. Davenport said with concerns about violence and AIDS very real to teens.

Teen view

"In any generation, there's different pressures," Matt said. "Our parents had different pressures, like Vietnam and the changes of the '60s. I don't think it's necessarily any harder."

Jessica Melone, a 17-year-old member of St. Patrick's parish in Catskill and a high school junior, agreed, saying: "Every generation has a unique experience."

She said being a teen today is different from other generations, with less stress in some areas and more in others. She said it's less stressful because young people have more options and choices for careers; it's more stressful because communities aren't as safe as they once were.

Communities

While parents were once connected and supported each other as parents, that doesn't exist in the same degree it once did. "It takes two incomes to raise a family," Mrs. McCune said. "When [both parents] work nine-to-five jobs, you can't be there."

In the past, adults were more involved in guiding young people. Teachers and school administrators could call parents with concerns about a student. Today, many parents are on the defense when these calls are made.

"Have we become a society of working parents with guilt that supports our children no matter what?" Mrs. Davenport asked. "Do we really know our kids? Do we have the time it takes to really know our kids? If we got a call from a teacher, can we assess if our child could do it? Maybe they do need to learn a lesson. It's easier to take the child's side."

Mrs. McCune said our culture has become so attuned to being politically correct and not offending anyone that those who once would reach out are not as willing to. "Teachers, administrators, youth ministers and priests hold back," she said.

Guidance sought

Alanna said teens do look to adults for guidance. "Teens would like support from adults," she said. "Someone to listen."

Matt also believes teens want adults in their lives. "The ideal situation is to have a strong family that sits down at dinner and talks about things," he said. "Not necessarily about the news but about what's happened in the day. It's guidance. Our family eats regularly together. It's so important. I feel lucky to have such a close family."

Mrs. Davenport offered this guidance: "Check on your kids more often. Be attentive to what's going on. Be a good listener and help them to be assertive. Create a peaceful environment in the home where it's okay to make a mistake -- people will still love you. Kids are under a ton of stress. Give them a haven at home."

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