They built unique family from broken pieces

Eight years later, Jason might be giving his adoptive dad a very significant gift: a kidney to help him live (see sidebar).

Father Cotugno, administrator of St. John the Evangelist parish in Rensselaer, has served as Jason's adoptive father since Jason was 14. Today, he's also father-in-law to Jason's wife, Theresa, and grandfather to the couple's children: Gabriella, 3, and Jason Anthony, 16 months.

"One of the most important things in my life is to have my kids experience the greatness of my dad," Jason, now 29, declared in a recent interview. "It's a very unique and special opportunity to have a father who's a priest."

Teen problems

"As a child of an alcoholic, you're one drink away from becoming one yourself," Jason stated. "It was too much of a problem being there. It was affecting me emotionally."

Desperate to get away from his home, the teen confided in the parish's youth minister, Paul Abate, and asked if he could live in the rectory for a while. Father Cotugno debated whether the idea would draw protests from his parishioners but decided that since several staff members and others already lived in the rectory, "Jason was like another boarder."

Three choices

Mr. Abate gradually left Jason's care to Father Cotugno, who realized that he had three choices: "Kick him out, send him to Social Services or try to work things out. I knew it was going to be problematic. But at the same time, I knew the kid needed [parenting] and I could provide it."

Father Cotugno elected to let Jason stay -- and by the time fall arrived, the priest was the one attending parent conferences at Jason's school and setting ground rules at home. The teen needed a lot of help: He hadn't even been taught such elemental skills as tying his shoes.

Setting the rules

More familiar with the role of counselor, the priest tried to deliberately stay away from that approach in favor of acting as a parent to Jason.

"It was different," Jason told The Evangelist. "I came from an environment with no structure to an environment with structure. That was a challenge."

Father Cotugno gave Jason a curfew, laid down rules about dating, and confronted him when he wanted to isolate himself and watch TV all day. As parishioners came to know the teen as well, Jason found that he suddenly had a host of adults watching over him.

"As the pastor's kid, you can't get away with anything!" he said. "I'd say [to friends], `I've got a lot more aunts and uncles than you do -- just not biological.'"

Acceptance

According to Jason, "That just shows the kind of person my father was."

The teen also found friends in those who visited Immaculate Conception and in other clergy. "You experience life on such a wider scope, because there are so many people that come through that door," he explained.

Making it official

"Our relationship developed as a parent at that time," the priest said.

Jason called the signing of the parental rights papers a defining moment, "a starting point on a life that now, I would consider worth living. There was a lot to look forward to."

The road to parenthood was far from smooth. "Jason is very strong, and I'm very strong," Father Cotugno explained. "You get two bulls together, and we'll bang heads 'til someone goes down!"

But the pair soon became as close as a biological father and son. "In my eyes," said Jason, "this is the man who raised me."

Success together

These days, added Father Cotugno, parishioners at St. John's with parish questions tell each other that "if Joe's not present, ask Jason -- you'll probably get the same answer Joe would have given you!"

After finishing high school and nearly finishing college at SUNY-Buffalo, Jason moved into the Cotugno family home in Albany, where he worked as a sales representative until being laid off recently.

Closer and closer

"I give my father a lot of credit," Jason stated. "If it weren't for the fact that he put time and effort into me, I wouldn't be here today. And I think I brought a lot of positives into his life."

The pair believe that allowing some priests to adopt children is a wise idea. "Celibates need something like that; otherwise, they forget what it's like to be human," Father Cotugno said. "One of the things I've learned to appreciate is what it means to be a parent. All relationships come with a reward; the reward from Jason is that he's loved me like a father. Every success or every failure he has, I'm there with him."

"I think that kind of long-term relationship can help a priest," Jason said. "Being able to walk a mile in a parent's shoes can help when it comes to counseling. My father kept his vows intact, yet he made a difference in my life. If every kid who came from a disadvantaged home had the opportunity I did, I think they'd change drastically."

Family style

"Take a look at what family is today," the priest argued. "We may have expanded the definition, but it's a nuance of the variety of families we have today. You can't define `family' as a mother, a father and two kids."

The Cotugnos may never have expected to be a family, but they're certainly grateful for having had that chance. As Father Cotugno played with his grandson in Jason's living room, Jason quoted one of the priest's repeated comments: "`You've given me the opportunity to be something I didn't think I was going to be -- a father. And now I have a second opportunity -- to be a grandfather!'"

"I have no regrets -- absolutely none at all," Father Cotugno stated firmly. "I believe in the Gospel message of love. When you talk about love, you're talking in terms of relationship. One of the most profound relationships you can have is that of parent and child. So to me, this is an experience of God."

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