April 6, 2018 at 1:53 p.m.
Teens spend day learning about aspects of life
The mini-course on relationships was one of eight workshops offered at the Albany Diocesan Drug Education Ministry (ADDEM) Peer Leadership Conference, held at St. Gabriel's parish in Rotterdam.
Students attending the workshop told its presenter, Sister Kay Ryan, CSJ, director of the Family Life Office, they were interested in learning how to develop healthy relationships and how to improve relationships with friends, family, and boyfriends and girlfriends.
Whole person
"I'd like to talk about the mathematics of relationships," Sister Kay said. "Most of us say we're half a person until we're in a relationship. We are incomplete without another person, so one-half plus one-half equals a whole. When we do this, we look to the other person to make us happy."She explained that in order to have healthy relationships, people must take responsibility for their own happiness. "I am not responsible for someone else's happiness, and they are not responsible for mine," she said.
When people believe that there is someone "out there" who will complete them, they often find that they lose their sense of self in a relationship. They give up their friends and interests for the other person. In order to have a healthy relationship, a person must continue to be himself, Sister Kay said.
Family role
Sister Kay emphasized the important role families play in the development of relationships, telling the students that it is what they are experiencing in their family lives that mold how they see the world."We learn how to deal -- and not deal -- in our family of origin," she said.
Some of the things learned at home that can affect relationships include how neat a person is and how people communicate and deal with disagreements.
"If you're from a family that only fights and then you have a fight with a friend, everything is fine for you," she explained. "But if you're in a family that doesn't fight and you fight with a friend, it's the end of the world."
Friendship
The teens became animated when discussion turned to friendship. All in the course agreed that it is important to have friends of the opposite sex. Girls in the course said they valued their friendships with boys because "guys don't talk behind your back. Guys are more honest. Guys are easier to talk to. Guys are more laid back."The boys said they valued their friendships with girls because "girls actually talk. They don't crack jokes when you're telling them something."
When asked if a boy and girl can be friends after they have dated and broken up, the response split down gender lines. Girls think friendship is possible, while the boys didn't.
Positive feedback
The participants found the course to be helpful. Said Becky Falzano, a junior at Bishop Maginn High School in Albany: "It was very informative. It gave me insight on friendships and family. A lot of times people get misled that this person will complete them. I liked the concept that one person plus another person is a relationship. Also, I think when we grow up, we think our values will complement other's values, and that is not always the case."Julian Curet, a senior at LaSalle Institute in Troy, had similar comments. "It was very interesting," he said, "especially how to be yourself while maintaining a relationship and how the self is determined by your family. Who you are is based on your family."
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