Surviving grief during holidays can be a long road

For grieving people, the holiday season of Thanksgiving and Christmas can be a depressing period when the joy of others underscores their own sorrow and loss.

In an upcoming workshop, "Holiday Travel on Interstate Grief," Bernard A. Amyot, a grief counselor, will help people cope with their feelings. He is also an adjunct professor at Sage Graduate School in Albany, where he teaches counseling courses on grief and loss.

In his presentation, he will deal with all sorts of grief, noting, "Grief is not isolated to those that have lost a loved one. It may be a job loss, a life-threatening illness of a loved one or oneself -- whatever causes [someone] to feel grief."

Control

Using his metaphor of a highway, Mr. Amyot said that "those who grieve often feel as if their lives are out of control. [But] there is no right or wrong [way to feel] in the grief process. People should go slowly when it comes to their grief, give it respect at the holiday time.

"When we experience a loss, we have some learning and growing to do. When we grieve, we must learn to re-evaluate what is necessary and what isn't. In due time, we decide what is important in our life and what isn't. We learn to make decisions and learn what it is that is most important to us now.

"We do have options. We can slow down, or we can stop. We have the option of rebuilding and reconstruction, asking, 'What part of our past do we decide to keep and what part will we let go?'"

Emotions

People experiencing grief are in a delicate emotional state, Mr. Amyot stressed, so his workshop will consider how "to become aware of our emotional reaction to what happens to us during the holidays. We will talk about listening to our inner self about what we can and can't do, and what is appropriate for us at this time in our life.

"We need to find those people who will support us while we are grieving. It's okay to travel in the slower lane for a while, to find the balance once again in our lives. Going slow at our own pace can save us from a crash."

He intends to remind people that "eventually, the holidays will be over. They are only a [four- or five-week] period of time, and they will pass by. It isn't necessary that we be happy. If we proceed slowly, one day at a time through our grief, we will eventually get back up to speed."

(The workshop, Nov. 15, 7-9 p.m., will be held at the Pastoral Center in Albany. To register, call 489-4431.)

(11/4/04)