Speaker's focus: Dignity of kids

Barbara Coloroso has three basic philosophies: "Kids are worth it; I won't treat a child in any way I wouldn't want to be treated; and if it leaves the child's dignity and my dignity intact, do it!"

The first statement has become the title of Mrs. Coloroso's internationally best-selling book, "Kids are Worth It! Giving Your Child the Gift of Inner Discipline." On April 23-24, she will give the annual Susanne Breckel lecture and workshop in Albany, sponsored by the diocesan Consultation Center.

Mrs. Coloroso told The Evangelist that if a parent, teacher or counselor's goal is to help children become resourceful and responsible, it's a good idea to allow them to make decisions -- and mistakes -- as early as possible.

Decisions, decisions
The question to ask, she said, is: "What decisions can you truly give your kid? I don't say to a two-year-old, `Do you want to go to bed?' But I do say, `Do you want to go to bed in your red pajamas or your blue pajamas?'"

As children get older, Mrs. Coloroso believes, they should be allowed to make more and more decisions on their own. The problem, she said, is that there are three kinds of families: "brickwall," "jellyfish" and "backbone," and parents often fall into the first two categories:

* In a brickwall family, a 10-year-old would still have his lunch packed for him by a parent who explains, "This is what I thought you should have."

* A jellyfish-family parent would allow the child total freedom, even if he puts together a lunch of doughnuts or other unhealthy foods.

* But a backbone parent, the healthiest kind, would make sure a child understands good nutrition before allowing him to pack his own lunch.

Responsibility

Developing good decision-making skills proves especially important during the teen years, she said, adding: "If you want to buffer kids from sexual promiscuity, drug abuse and suicide, don't start at 16."

Instead, she advises adults to teach children three basic tenets when they're young: "I like myself, I can think for myself and there's no problem so big it can't be solved."

That way, when a three-year-old drops a glass, while a brickwall parent would scold and spank her, and a jellyfish parent would clean up the mess and blame herself for giving the child a glass, a backbone parent could say: "You have a problem; go get me a bag."

Humorous bent
Mrs. Coloroso calls her upcoming lecture and workshop "kind of a stand-up comedy thing -- it's humorous, upbeat." She promises that participants will not only enjoy themselves but also "reflect on the things you do that are helpful, that serve your child well, and the things that might not serve."

While "none of us are perfect," she said that her travels around the world as a speaker have proven one thing: Wherever she goes, "the problems are the same; the kids are the same; the issues are the same."

(Mrs. Coloroso's lecture, "Parenting with Wit and Wisdom," will be held at Blessed Sacrament School in Albany, April 23, 7:30 p.m. Tickets are $8 in advance or $10 at the door. The one-day workshop, "Relating with Wit and Wisdom," will be held at the LaSalle School Cultural Center in Albany, April 24, 9 a.m.-1 p.m. Tickets are $40; $45 after April 17. Call 489-4431.)

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