April 6, 2018 at 1:53 p.m.
ST. KATERI, SCHENECTADY
SOLOS group helps survivors of a loved one's suicide
SOLOS group helps survivors of a loved one's suicide
"Since this past June, there have been eight completed suicides in Schenectady County," said Melanie Puorto Conte, co-leader of the group and a parishioner at St. Kateri's. The tragic losses included a man who shot himself in Central Park and a 17-year-old mother who took her own life, leaving behind a two-year-old son.
Rev. Robert Longobucco, pastor of St. Kateri's, noted that "there is a different kind of pain in suicide."
People grieving a loss from suicide "often have a complex grief" process, said Ms. Conte. "They may feel guilt." Survivors are often plagued with the feeling that they could have done something differently, she said.
Need for support
"When one of our loved one dies through illness or an accident, the general public is much more supportive," she told The Evangelist. "But, because so many people are uncomfortable and don't know how to deal with suicide, the people who have lost a loved one [to suicide] often feel unsupported."
Ms. Conte well knows: She has had personal experiences with suicide, including two friends who took their own lives. Her grandmother, who suffered from bipolar disorder, also attempted suicide.
"It's on the forefront of my consciousness," she said.
For several years, Ms. Conte taught a class on suicide prevention, intervention and "post-vention" at Sage Graduate School in Troy. She is also retired from working with suicide prevention on the state level, including work with members of the U.S. Army's 10th Mountain Division, based at Fort Drum.
Statistics and healing
According to the Department of Veterans Affairs, about 20 U.S. military veterans commit suicide every day. The Military Times noted in July that, although veterans account for less than nine percent of the country's population, they "account for 18 percent of all suicides in America."
For Annette Wheat, being a co-leader of the SOLOS group at St. Kateri's helps with her own healing. After multiple suicides in her family, she believes the group has helped her through her grieving process.
She lost two cousins, one of whom was like a sister to her and another who had struggled with addiction to heroin. Ms. Wheat and her husband also discovered the body of his uncle after the man took his own life.
She tried to find a support group that was right for her, but couldn't. "There really was nothing out there for me," she said.
"It's horrible," she continued. Suicide "is so prevalent in our area."
Now, SOLOS meets on the first and third Monday of every month. The group is open to people outside the parish, Catholic or not.
Open arms
Father Longobucco said St. Kateri's parish community has responded with compassion to the Schenectady suicide epidemic. He stressed that, in order to be fully compassionate on an issue, support must be offered to everyone.
The SOLOS group has been running since mid-September. The leaders said that, although only a few people have attended every meeting, they believe the group is needed. "We remember the loved one and the life the loved one lived," Ms. Conte said.
Ms. Wheat noted that one major subject of conversation for survivors is not feeling like a failure as a parent, coworker, friend or relative.
"We share a lot," she told The Evangelist. "You gain insight from the other people. It's helped me out tremendously."
Father Longobucco said he's thankful that SOLOS exists at his parish. There are people who need help, he said, and Ms. Conte and Ms. Wheat are willing to be the people to start the healing process.
"Who hasn't been touched by [suicide]?" he said. "It's a hidden epidemic."
(For more information on SOLOS, call the St. Kateri Tekakwitha parish office at 518-346-6137.)[[In-content Ad]]
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