April 6, 2018 at 1:53 p.m.
GIVEAWAY
Sister's book offers lessons from hospice
"What Color is the Other Side of Darkness?" by Sister Jean Roche, RSM - who recently retired from 14 years as campus minister and bereavement studies coordinator at Maria College in Albany - dispels myths about death and encourages readers to heal relationships and live life to the fullest long before terminal illness strikes.
A Sister of Mercy for 52 years, Sister Jean has also been a teacher and an administrator for her religious community and is certified in spiritual direction.
Her book was written several years ago, and has been used in hospices, with pastoral care groups and with nursing students. Sister Jean plans to lead workshops and do more giveaways at other parishes, diocesan education events and events sponsored by her religious community.
"The ordinary person is so afraid of death," she told The Evangelist. "The end of one's life is [not always] one of pain and suffering. This is a book about life and living.
"I look upon these stories as sacred Scripture," she continued. "They are manifestations of the power and presence of the divine in the lives of ordinary people. We are so busy today, we have lost the habit of silence and contemplation. We live in an era of unprecedented change [and] so many losses in life. People need to access their spiritual power, and there isn't enough teaching to do that."
Sister Jean considered writing a book as far back as the start of her hospice ministry in the Albany Diocese in the early 1980s. Her very first patient posed the question in the title of the book, and she pondered it throughout her career.
"Whenever darkness comes into our lives, whatever its shape or form, the natural human inclination is to flee," the book's introduction notes. "Yet the thousands of hospice patients whom I have accompanied have taught me that it is only in going through it that we come to the other side, which is undeniably light."
Though she could have described thousands of exchanges with dying people, Sister Jean chose 50 vignettes that made an impact on her personally. A highlight for her was the story of Rocky, a tattooed ex-Marine who told her to "bug off" during their first visit.
Sister Jean broke the ice with a joke about his sentiment being related to her last name, and Rocky confided in her his guilt over his distance from God. Her counseling led him to replace negative nicknames for family members with positive ones, and to realize that God loved him.
"Little by little, he began a shift," she recalled. "It's never too late to reconcile relationships and celebrate life. This is the time when you can totally alter it and turn it into something positive."
The experience with Rocky resonated with Sister Jean personally: She realized that even though her last name means "rock" in French and her mother idealized stoicism, she could overcome her own tendency to put up walls.
"You will be connected in some deep way to every patient you meet," she mused. "Each one taught me something about myself."
More than 3,000 copies of the book have been sold. Sister Jean's goal was always to honor patients and use their stories to inspire people to forgive and heal during life and at the time of death.
Sister Jean has also written a book of rituals called "Celebrations of Life" and is working on a third book, "Diving Deeper into Mercy: Spiritual Practices for Healing and Wholeness," about overcoming deterrents to mercy.
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