SH-H-H-H: Silent retreats offer time apart from noise of world

Grief brings them to the mountain. And joy. And longing.

A businessman comes for a weekend, looking to connect with something other than his Palm Pilot. A Wall Street worker comes for a week to work through questions he has in the wake of the World Trade Center bombings. A mother comes for three weeks, trying to come to terms with the loss of her child.

And when they come, they come for the silence.

Shhh

Silent retreats are more than just a medieval memory, left for cowled monks and cloistered nuns. Attracted by the chance to escape from the cacophony of the world and enter into quiet, Catholics travel to retreat houses like The Priory in Chestertown and the Still Point Interfaith Retreat House in Stillwater.

A craving for silence is natural, said Sister Lillian Needham, SSJ, director of Still Point.

"We live in a hectic, chaotic world. We have a lot of activity going on," she said. "We're unaware of the natural rhythm that is within us. We experience it in the seasons, in light and dark. It's a natural need and a desire."

Time for quiet

For Sister Connie Messitt, CSJ, co-director of The Priory, silence is essential.

Even at regular retreats that include small group discussions, rousing community-building time and Bible study, retreat directors "include periods of silence so that God can speak," she said.

"There's a value in both silence and [noise]," she continued. "It's important to be alone, so that I can find God not only outside of myself, but inside myself. Usually, the silence will open up issues or things that I need to look at, both comfortable and uncomfortable, things that might be blocked out."

Why they're still

According to Sister Lillian, grief, divorce, death and childhood sexual abuse also factor into a decision to take a silent retreat.

"People also come because they're aging, because they're dealing with broken relationships, because they're in their late thirties and haven't met anyone yet -- and are looking at what their life is possibly going to look like," she said.

Two years ago, Still Point hosted a number of people dealing with issues and questions brought up by the 9/11 terrorist attacks.

Choices

At The Priory, silent retreats take two forms:

a directed retreat, during which participants are required to remain in silence most of the day, meet with a retreat director for an hour, and follow recommended spiritual and physical activities; and

* a private retreat, during which the retreatant decides on the particulars regarding silent time and the activities in which he or she will participate.

Being open

In both instances, Sister Connie advises that participants arrive without preconceptions regarding what they will experience.

"There may not be a drastic change in you," she explained. "I usually ask people to let go of their expectations. Sometimes, I ask them if there's a grace they want to receive, or what their expectations are. Later, I ask them to put that aside, and let God surprise them."

At Still Point, retreatants have the option of staying in small, private hermitages.

"Once you go in there, you don't have distractions," said Sister Lillian. "We've had people say, 'It is so quiet that I have to get up and walk around.' But what they really want is that quiet."

Finding peace

At The Priory, retreatants are exhorted to read Scripture, pray or simply walk in the fields and woods surrounding the retreat house, an activity which Sister Connie says can help keyed-up participants break away from their hectic, noisy schedules and slip into a greater sense of tranquility.

"We invite people to be open to whatever the message is for them at that time," she said. "Silence in nature really invites them to discover a deeper part of themselves, which sometimes they can't find in the business of life."

Sister Lillian noted that it isn't always easy to make the transfer between the workings of the world and the silence of the heart. She recommends that retreatants use certain methods to foster a sense of calmness, such as journaling, which helps participants get down on paper the thoughts, feelings and questions stuck in their minds; walking outside; sitting in meditation; and talking to others about their concerns.

Those methods are particularly necessary when a retreatant is dealing with grief and searching for healing, said Sister Lillian.

For those people, she said, "a silent retreat is a time of restoration. It's a time of renewal, to find out what life is really like for us. It's a time for healing, and a time for centering."

(For information about retreats at The Priory, call 494-3733. To learn about programs at Still Point, call 587-4967.)

Why silence can be golden

For Sister Connie, silent retreats are a re-connection with the sacred; for Sister Lillian, they are a way to help people contribute to the building of community.

"A silent retreat brings you back in touch with the sacred, and that's what we've lost in this society," said Sister Connie. "It appears that a silent retreat is just about you and God; but if it is true prayer, it's actually between you and God and your world -- no matter how small it might be."

Sister Lillian agreed, saying: "We think of it as going apart and making a retreat alone, but it's really something for the greater good of all people. It's like the ripple effect of the butterfly's wings that can create a tidal wave: We affect each other; we're not separate.

"The more we are connected with our inner source, the more we can go forth to make the world a better place." (KD)

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