Schools working to help students counteract bullying

Signs in two classrooms at St. James Institute in Albany read, "No-bully zone."

"Any time you're making another child uncomfortable on a regular basis, you're bullying," Kim Ollier teaches her second-grade class. "You're hurting people's feelings on purpose, over and over again."

In the junior high, Anne Graham requires a "hands-off" policy among her students. She teaches the eighth-graders where bad behavior can lead by pointing to news events that are examples of bullying.

Unacceptable behavior

The pair were among 460 teachers from diocesan Catholic schools who recently attended "bullying prevention" training by the National Catholic Risk Retention Group, which also sponsors the Virtus anti-sexual abuse program in the Albany Diocese.

Bullying, said Cathy Golas of the diocesan Catholic Schools Office, is no longer casually accepted as something all children must endure.

"Sometimes, parents think because we're Catholic schools, a lot of issues in society don't happen in our schools," added Mrs. Golas, who is director of prevention services. But "there's no bubble over our schools."

While faith does provide a "moral compass" in helping children decide how to behave, she said, "it doesn't vaccinate kids."

What's bullying?

Many teachers at the bullying prevention program recalled stories of being bullied themselves when they were children. One admitted that 30 years later, she still had nightmares about what a bully had done to her.

Bullying behavior among children can range from verbal abuse to pushing and shoving or intimidation -- and a victim's response to bullying may be depression, suicide or even school violence. Mrs. Golas pointed out that the students who massacred peers in the 1999 Columbine High School shooting in Colorado had been bullied.

"When it hurts other people, when it's persistent, when it's not joking," it's bullying, she explained. "If you're shaking people down for lunch money, that's bullying. If you're pushing people regularly, that's bullying."

Among girls, bullying tends to mean starting rumors or excluding other girls from a group. Mrs. Ollier saw that trend not long ago in some of her second-graders: Five girls began to call themselves the "Cheetah Girls," deciding that they could be the only kids in their group and that kids who weren't in it weren't cool.

Teachers' role

Through bullying prevention training, Mrs. Ollier learned not to turn a blind eye to the behavior -- and to teach her students not to do so, either.

Even for teachers, "it's difficult to speak out," she remarked. "But we decided that if we're going to have a no-bullying policy, it's important that we're all in it together."

Bullies, said Mrs. Golas, often need to be taught that their behavior is wrong: "They tend to use their social skills inappropriately. They don't see themselves as doing anything wrong. If I trip you, I'll say I'm sorry; if a bully trips someone, he says, `What are you getting all worked up about?'"

Victims

Some children are more vulnerable to bullying than others. Mrs. Golas said that bullies prey on perceived weaknesses in other kids, from physical differences to shyness or even race.

At St. James, teachers are responding by stressing that diversity is good. The school has a growing Hispanic and Asian population, and Mrs. Ollier wants students of all races to feel included.

Victims of bullying often say the opposite: that while teachers and parents think everything is being done to stop bullying, students are still being excluded. Mrs. Golas said the first step in ending bullying is to believe students who say it's occurring.

Solutions

Kids who have been bullied can be taught social skills so they'll develop a group of friends who'll stick up for them against bullies, as well. Mrs. Graham teaches victims to use "I feel" statements to express their hurt -- for example: "When you say that about me, I feel upset."

Mrs. Golas favored the snappy comeback as a way to defuse bullying: "If someone says, `Your glasses are ugly,' say, `You should see the ones I have at home!'"

One thing that doesn't change bullies is suspension or expulsion from school. Instead, said Mrs. Golas, schools should work to help bullies develop empathy for their victims. Acts of kindness toward students they've bullied have more impact than forced apologies.

Mrs. Ollier believes that demanding one child apologize to another doesn't work at all. "It's not helpful," she said. "You're making a child apologize before they're made aware of why that [bullying] is hurting another person's feelings."

If you make the bully "sit out" alone, she added, his friends will probably rally around him and make the problem worse.

WWJD?

Mrs. Graham uses the popular motto "What Would Jesus Do?" as a bully-defusing tactic. When she passes a student who's being unkind to another, she said, "I'll say, `WWJD?' And they'll say, `Okay, okay, I've got it."

Both teachers said the "no-bully" signs in their classrooms are helping students to help one another.

"I've seen a lot of kids coming to me and saying, `So-and-so's doing this to whoever,'" Mrs. Graham stated. Now, her students "aren't just watching out for themselves, but for each other. They know it could escalate."

Facts about bullying presented by Dr. Philip Lazarus at the anti-bullying training:

* 70 percent of children have experienced bullying at some point;

* About 30 percent of all children admit being involved in bullying -- 13 percent as bullies, 11 percent as victims and six percent as both;

* In most schools, six to seven percent are bullies and nine percent are victims; the other 85 percent are bystanders;

* Every four hours in America, a child commits suicide; and

* Bullied children are more likely to be anxious and depressed, and consequently more likely to commit suicide.

(11/6/03) [[In-content Ad]]