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Misconceptions about the Catholic Church's views on divorce complicate the healing process for people coping with the end of their marriages.

A retreat day next month at The Priory Retreat House in Chestertown will clarify misunderstandings about divorce and annulment and help participants find ways to deal with losses not just from divorce, but because of deaths or illnesses like Alzheimer's disease.

The day will feature prayer, Scripture, presentations, sharing and question-and-answer sessions with retreat leader Sister Marilyn Vassallo, CSJ, a canon (Church) lawyer who recently returned to the Albany Diocese after 20 years of working in marriage tribunals in southern dioceses.

Sister Marilyn is now the director of marriage services at Canon Law Professionals in Feura Bush, where she assists diocesan tribunals across the country with annulments.

She said she hopes to "pastorally help people come to a sense of reconciliation with the Church, and to lift the burden of guilt that people sometimes have [when they divorce] - to be able to get rid of some things that are holding them back from moving on with their lives.

"There's a great sense of failure" when a marriage ends, because "everyone wants to succeed in whatever they do," she said. "We try to help people to establish a new way of looking at themselves and others."

Sister Marilyn says the job of marriage tribunals is to "investigate what probably is a flawed understanding of marriage" and determine whether a marriage was null from the start.

"Marriage is a dual responsibility. One person does not carry it. Children don't make the marriage," she said. "Marriage is more than sex: It's finances. It's marrying into another family. It's personalities. A lot of times, people don't take the time to think [the sacrament] through."

Sister Marilyn has heard a lot of misconceptions from participants at similar retreats about being divorced Catholics. For instance, people mistakenly think being divorced means they can't receive communion; this only applies when they remarry without being granted an annulment.

Divorced Catholics also live with the misconceptions that their children are now illegitimate, that an annulment is impossible if they were married for a long time or that they can't get an annulment if they can't afford it.

People often "cry in relief" when such myths are debunked, Sister Marilyn said - but some "still hold onto these things, mainly because they don't want to go through the process" of getting an annulment.

Being kept from the Eucharist is one of the top concerns of people Sister Marilyn counsels.

"Most people want some kind of peace in their lives," she said. "This becomes a great suffering if they cannot receive the sacraments and presents a real challenge in pastoral ministry. We are committed to helping people return to the sacraments."

She added that changes brought about by the Second Vatican Council in the 1960s improved the Church's handling of divorce and annulment. In fact, the pain her own parents experienced when they divorced in the 1950s inspired her to get involved in canon law.

Today, "the Church is much more open," Sister Marilyn said. "Most people are very good. Life happens. It is the Church's role to be compassionate, respectful of the sacrament [of marriage] and present the Gospel."

People in ministry like her "try to give a concept of God's love, God's sense of forgiveness. [We help others] feel once again part of belonging to the Church and tell them, 'You are ours, we want you and we love you.'"

Sister Connie Messitt, CSJ, spiritual director of The Priory, said the retreat will serve a population that needs support.

"This is a safe place. Everything is confidential," she said. "People can be free to share where they are coming from.

"Where they are at this point in their lives is not where they always will be," she added. "The Gospel wants them to choose life. My hope is that people will be open to allow that to happen."[[In-content Ad]]

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