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The topic of forgiveness saturates the New Testament and its presence or absence molds people's daily lives. A retreat titled "Forgiveness is an inside job," to be held April 24-26 at the Dominican Spiritual Life Center in Niskayuna, will explore the dynamics of forgiveness and offer means to reconcile with self, others and God. 

"We all have issues in our lives -- family, friendships, experiences we have a hard time letting go of," said Sister Susan Zemgulis, OP, who will facilitate the retreat. 

"Easter and Divine Mercy Sunday [are] the perfect backdrop for moving into this topic. God loved us this much."

The failure to forgive affects spiritual well-being and also our emotional and physical states, according to the retreat leader.

"Forgiveness is one of the hardest things for us to do, and it's one of the healthiest things we can do," she explained. 

As an experienced retreat director with a bachelor's degree in social work and a master's in theology, Sister Sue will use her love of Scripture and music to address the dynamics of forgiveness through presentation, prayer, sharing and ritual. 

She said the title of the retreat indicates that "we are the only ones in control of forgiveness and how it affects us in actions with others and ourselves. It's our own work."

Love's detour
A primary question, "When am I putting up blocks to God, others, and myself?" will explore individual experiences. 

"A grudge or a block is the inability to let go of something," Sister Sue explained. "That keeps the relationship from growing. Sometimes it can be related to our self-esteem when we look at something we have done, a mistake we made: We can't forgive ourselves for being human.

"We put ourselves in position of being not good enough," she continued. "Then we see ourselves as not lovable. If we are not lovable, it's hard for others to love us and even [we believe] for God to love us."

In relationship to others, she said, grudges can present a reason to avoid the hard work of reconciliation. 

"Sometimes it's easier to hold on to something someone did to me and be continuously angry with them. If I can hold on to anger, it's their fault. But we have to see our part in it, too. It's an area of growth and healing."

She emphasized that forgiveness does not always mean reconciliation, such as for people traumatized by abuse. "The goal is not reconciliation but forgiveness can free up oneself from being controlled by the situation," she stated.

Memory's hold
"It is a misnomer to say, 'Forgive and forget.' In a variety of experiences, don't put yourself in those same situations again. For example, someone who has been abused cannot forget. They need to remain safe and protect themselves."

But the healing aspect of forgiveness is still needed, said the retreat leader: "If they are at a point of grace, they may be able to forgive and free themselves from the abuser."

Regarding the graces offered through the sacrament of reconciliation, Sister Sue offered reassurance. 

"Some say, 'How can God love me? I'm confessing the same thing over and over again. Am I doing it right?' If it keeps coming around, it is not because we aren't forgiven or because we haven't forgiven.

"God is calling us to deeper levels of forgiveness. It's a positive thing. But if we don't understand it, it feels negative."

Other than the sacrament of reconciliation, the retreat will offer alternative opportunities of "mutual letting go" such as a blessing or writing.

Whatever the situation, Sister Sue concluded, "It's a spiritual grace to let go of the power it has over us."[[In-content Ad]]

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