Response can hinge on gender

"Women are relational," said Sister Anne Bryan Smollin, CSJ, director of the diocesan Counseling for the Laity office. "They try to understand others and get behind the questions and behaviors. Men are logical and tend to focus on facts."

While people may have the tendency to make their own gender's point-of-view the correct one, Sister Anne said, "it's not fair to make one right and one wrong. It would benefit us to understand the differences."

Rev. Anthony Chiaramonte, director of the Consultation Center of the Diocese, explained that "men tend to want to focus on getting things done quickly; women, on connecting, personal issues and ramifications."

It's not surprising then, he said, to see women who comment in the media about President Clinton's troubles say that the public should be open and forgiving while men want to expedite matters.

"Women `discuss' because that's a relational thing," Sister Anne explained. "Men `fix' things and tend, therefore, to be more black and white."

In talking about any issue, men may find that women tend to deviate from what the men see as the issue. "Women are more expressive and want to relate and walk in the other's shoes so as to understand," explained Sister Anne. "They will discuss more so that they can help the other [person]."

This can be seen in conversations about the President's behavior, said Father Chiaramonte. "Women are more concerned for the two other women involved -- the wife and daughter," he said. "They see them so affected."

These differences also come into play when people have their own personal problems. Women want empathy while men want solutions, Sister Anne said. Women feel fulfilled when they are sharing and relating while men rarely talk about problems because, to them, it is a sign of weakness. Women value caring. Men value power, competency, achievements and accomplishments.

Under stress, she continued, women tend to expand their awareness and become even more conscious of others. They also tend to get emotionally involved. Men under stress withdraw, and increase their work or other involvements, making them unmindful of others. They can become self-absorbed in achieving their goal and forget everything else.

But such differences aren't carved in stone. "We have a piece of both in us," said Sister Anne. "There is a personality preference. Some women say, `Let's solve it and move on' while some men are more relational."

Father Chiaramonte has seen men who are just as empathetic as women. "It's complex," he said. "It's hard to categorize in a neat way."

Mary Sise, a social worker for Kaiser Permanente in Latham (formerly Community Health Plan) and a parishioner of St. Pius X Church in Loudonville, is not convinced that people's reactions to the presidential scandal are based on their sex. "I don't know if it's a woman/man thing," she said.

She has heard men having more "feminine" reactions where they are concerned for Hillary and Chelsea, and women having "masculine" reactions. "I see men crossover," she said. "I see men appalled and concerned about what it's done to Chelsea."

People's reactions, she surmises, may be linked to their own lives rather than their sex. "I don't see it as a gender thing," she said. "The question is, 'What does it trigger for you?' Like all concerns, it's where you are at with it."

Mrs. Sise explained that a person whose own family dealt with adultery may see the situation differently than one who has not. It is also a matter of identification, she said. Those who identify with Chelsea or Hillary may see things differently from someone identifying with the President.

If people look at their own experiences, they can get a better understanding of why they are reacting to the scandal the way they are.

"It depends on what it triggers for you about the way the world works," she said. "If you grew up that this is what men do, then it's business as usual. Those who grew up taking responsibility for their actions don't see it as business as usual."

(09-24-98) [[In-content Ad]]