Program focus on grieving

"The program is having ramifications in the broader community," said Sister Jean Roche, RSM, Maria College campus minister and director of the Bereavement Studies Program. "One of our students designed an eight-week program for teenagers on the theme of death and dying. Another has designed a program for children suffering from disenfranchised grief resulting from abandonment, abuse and the loss of self-esteem."

Educating people about grief is important, she said. In the past, friends and family members of the bereaved expected that after a certain time period, the person would stop grieving. "We've made some progress, but we still need much more education," Sister Jean said. "We live, die and grieve differently."

Grief increase

"Losses related to illness, violent deaths and suicides have escalated throughout all age levels of our society, from childhood to the elderly," she said. "Inherent in contemporary life are multi-faceted issues of grief and loss."

In addition, there is "disenfranchised grief." For example, women who have had miscarriages grieve; however, those around them indicate they aren't entitled to their grief, Sister Jean explained, adding, "All Americans are disenfranchised grievers. Grief avoidance can lead to depression, displaced anger, alcohol or drug abuse, physical illness and overwork, to mention but a few manifestations."

Studying bereavement

Susan Silverstein, a high school teacher, said the "courses strive to teach individuals to 'be with' people experiencing grief and loss, to listen, and to allow much needed time for these folks on their healing journey."

Through her participation, she has learned that her students' "needs are vast, their grief tremendous. Adolescence is such a difficult time under the best of circumstances. We need only to look at the news on TV or in the paper to see the constant struggles of teens seeking comfort.

"The tragedy at Columbine high school is a blatant example of young adults in misery who fell through the cracks of the system. The courses are helping me to learn to catch some of these kids before they fall. So often, underneath the surface of rage is an intense pain that is never heard. I feel that I am learning to hear their pain and to allow them to release their anger before it turns to violence in the schools."

Thinking of unthinkable

"I was not particularly comfortable with thoughts of my own death," she said. "I am a person who likes to be in control, and now I have found a way to have control over my own death by living my life and preparing for the inevitable. This has given me a sense of freedom."

Since enrolling, she has found more people have begun sharing their stories of grief with her. "I have listened to stories of pain and heartache as well as healing and re-organization," Mrs. Welshhans said. "We do want to share these stories."

Grief retreats

On May 6, a retreat will be held at Maria on prayer and ritual for those grieving. "Prayer and ritual are strong allies in the healing of the heart," Sister Jean said.

The third retreat, June 23-24, is for priests and nuns, who have unique issues surrounding grief, she noted. "There are a number of things that render death and dying difficult for" clergy and women religious, she said, such as the demands of ministry dictating that they move on quickly and a tendency to spiritualize losses, which can lead to a denial of feelings.

(For more information on the Bereavement Studies program or upcoming retreats, call Sister Jean Roche at 438-3111. Registration is required for the retreats.)

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