Program aims to foster healing after life change

Not many travel brochures are able to boast destinations that promise travelers "a weekend away for a lifetime of change." That claim, however, is one that The Beginning Experience can make with confidence.

For nearly a quarter of a century, the organization co-founded by a nun and a divorced woman has provided widowed, separated and divorced individuals with an inspiring weekend program designed to be a time both of closure and renewal.

Among those who welcome participants and guide them through the weekend program are JoAnn Bisogno and Lorenz Worden, both of whom have experienced the pain of spousal loss.

Ready to grow

As team president, Ms. Bisogno seeks participants who have already worked their way through the anger and despair characteristic of the first stages of grief following the loss of a spouse through death, divorce or separation.

"The Beginning Experience isn't a sensitivity group for those in the early stages of the grieving process," Ms. Bisogno said. It is designed to help those who are ready for closure and who believe that life can be happy and fulfilling once again.

She added that the group "puts a frame around grieving" in that participants acknowledge the stages of grief and the importance of going through each stage as part of the overall healing process.

Moving on

A goal of the weekend program is to help participants put their respective losses behind them so that they can get on with their lives "believing that God cares very much about them," Ms. Bisogno stated.

The Beginning Experience, which has chapters world-wide, strives to provide participants with an atmosphere of support and acceptance for those who have lost a spouse so they can re-evaluate themselves and their lives, and then move on to the future with renewed hope.

Describing the weekend program as "a real awakening to a new life," Ms. Bisogno said time is allotted both for personal reflection and dialogue in warm, supportive, small groups that foster genuine community and fellowship.

Through the weekend

The first portion of the weekend, dealing with various aspects of divorce and widowhood, is presented by team leaders -- all of whom have been through The Beginning Experience themselves and have seen the benefit that can be gained from it.

During personal reflection, each participant is given time to write down personal feelings in a notebook that is kept private. Not until the third part of the program are participants encouraged to share their feelings and experiences with others.

That, said Ms. Bisogno, gives everyone an opportunity to rediscover the joys of life within themselves and others.

"Oftentimes, we find that there is some feeling or emotion that we have ignored or pushed aside because it was too painful or too frightening to deal with. But unless the feeling is resolved, the person gets stuck in the grieving process," said Ms. Bisogno.

Letter of goodbye

Among the healing exercises participants are asked to perform involves writing "a gentle letter of closure" to their former spouse -- be they dead or alive.

That part of The Beginning Experience had the greatest impact upon Lorenz Worden when he attended his first weekend a year ago. Now a team member, he was at that time coming to terms with his own marital separation when he saw an ad for The Beginning Experience in The Evangelist last spring.

"It was just a small ad with the logo of the anchor, the cross and the rising sun, but we came together like the Hale-Bopp Comet. The timing was absolutely perfect -- right on target. I picked up the phone and called the number in the ad to register," recalled Mr. Worden, a parishioner of St. Teresa of Avila in Albany.

Love and care

What most impressed him about his first Beginning Experience and those he has assisted at since is the "loving, caring nature of the B.E. team" and the warm welcome they gave him upon his arrival last year.

Those who help facilitate the quiet, reflective, spiritual weekend programs, he said, "are not psychologists or rocket scientists. They are ordinary people who have been blessed with a special talent -- and they are willing to use it."

Acknowledging that many "new arrivals" have been burdened for months or years with "excess emotional baggage" tied to the loss of their spouse, Mr. Worden makes it a personal priority to help newcomers carry their luggage to their rooms.

"I suppose it's symbolic in a sense that I have a strong to desire to ease their load right from the moment of their arrival," he said. "I can't say that everyone will get as much from The Beginning Experience as I have. Some may only take a baby step forward, as opposed to a giant step, but one thing is certain: You cannot go backwards -- only ahead -- after one of these weekends."

(The next Beginning Experience takes place at the St. Joseph Spiritual Life Center in Valatie, May 16-18. Another session will be held in the fall. Reservations are on a first-come, first-serve basis. For more information about eligibility and fees, call Diane at 273-5371, Chris at 663-5057, or Mary Ann at 603-638-5208.)

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