Priests on front lines of dying

During those eight months, Rev. David Mickiewicz, chaplain at Albany Medical Center Hospital, would visit the 45-year-old patient, bringing him communion and reading the Scriptures. Jim, meanwhile, spoke openly about the reality of death and wasn't afraid to discuss his own mortality.

"I think he knew from the very beginning that he wasn't going to live," Father Mickiewicz said. "From the get-go, he used all the 'dirty' words. He talked about the possibility of dying and death."

Jim's attitude toward death was one of acceptance, but each dying person's reaction toward dying is unique; fear, denial, regret and an eagerness to make a difference are just some of the thoughts and feelings conveyed by the dying.

At the deathbed

Rev. Richard Carlino, pastor of Our Lady of the Assumption Church in Schenectady, discussed two recent deaths in his ministry that touched him personally. Patrick Langley, an eight-year-old parishioner, lost his battle with cancer in October, shortly after Father Carlino gave him First Communion, the Sacrament of the Sick and Confirmation. Due to the severity of his illness, Patrick was unable to communicate, but Father Carlino sensed that his presence made the child's final hours easier to bear, both for him and his family.

"It was a privilege to be with his family through this," Father Carlino said. "It's one of the most meaningful things I do. There's a powerful sense of priesthood, ministry and spirituality."

Going in faith

Despite knowing that he had this disease, Deacon DiDonna didn't express any concern for his own well-being but instead worried about his family and how they would cope with his death.

"The fear never seemed to be there at all. I'm sure he had his moments, but he didn't show it to me, that's for sure," Father Carlino said. "That's a beautiful thing, that total otherness, that total selflessness."

Final moments

Right up until his death, Deacon DiDonna insisted that he should have done more for his parish, which was ironic because he had done so much for St. Anthony's during his life, Father Carlino noted.

"Augie was the type of person that felt he didn't do enough for people, and yet everyone who knew him knew that that was quite the opposite," he said.

Coping with death

Bill had been in Hospice for almost two years, Father Forno recalled. An elderly gentleman, Bill displayed a wonderful attitude around Father Forno: congenial, intelligent, aware. When his family was around, however, it was another story; Bill was gruff and abusive toward them.

Bill had a wife, a son and two daughters but never seemed to connect with any of them. They held birthday parties and candle rituals, and played music to lift his spirits, but such events couldn't alleviate the anger and resignation that Bill felt in his situation.

"He wasn't in denial about his death. He was in denial over the belief that he had this relationship with his family that he didn't have," Father Forno said.

Denial

"He realized he could have done it differently, but he was unwilling to admit that," Father Forno said.

Denial may not be the best approach to one's mortality, but in Bill's case, his denial helped him to accept what was happening to him, and Father Forno didn't attempt to convince him otherwise.

"Sometimes, denial is a coping mechanism. You have to allow people to be resistant," he said.

BY ministering to Bill through Hospice, Father Forno hopes that his death was made more tranquil and less painful, in mind and body. "I think we gave him what he needed: spiritual support, physical presence," Father Forno said.

Dying in prison

During the two-and-a-half years since the regional medical unit opened, 82 inmates have died, and Father Moyna has noticed how much they embrace their faith as they come closer to death.

"As they come to grips with their illness, the faith dimension, the spiritual dimension becomes more important to them," he said.

Reunion

"In many cases, they reconnect with their families, and the families become an important part of the dying process," he said.

Occasionally, inmates want a chance to make a difference and do something good for society before they die. One inmate, for example, wanted to return home and speak to youth groups about the dangers of using drugs. He got his wish; lived for three-and-a-half months after he was released from prison; and with support from his family and his pastor, came to grips with his imminent death.

"He was at peace with it, at peace with God. It heightened his own spirituality and relationship with the Lord," Father Moyna said.

Better place

He has observed, however, that inmates generally have a sense that they're going to a better place when they die, a notion that makes death seem less frightening.

"As they open up and talk to you a little bit, they give you a little glimpse of how they're looking at death and life, the fullness of life. The person who's dying has a certain vision of life after, and they can share it with you," he said.

Final days

"I've never come across anyone who was so moved at receiving Communion and the sacraments. He was encountering Jesus," Father Mickiewicz said.

On one occasion, Jim wanted to receive the Eucharist, but Father Mickiewicz wasn't sure what scriptural passage he should read to accompany the sacrament. He selected the institution narrative from the Last Supper and "from the look on his face, it was the right words at the right time," he said.

Father Mickiewicz also gave Jim a book written by Cardinal Joseph Bernardin titled, "Gift of Peace." Jim followed the advice in the book by placing his hope in someone, Jesus Christ, rather than something, such as treatment, as he was dying.

Letting go

"They obviously felt comfortable enough to say those things in front of me," he said.

Although Father Mickiewicz felt guilty when Jim would ask what he did on his days off, Jim actually was glad that the priest had been to New York City, Boston, an art gallery or a concert.

"He was sincerely interested in where I went, what I was doing and what I saw. That blew my mind," Father Mickiewicz said.

Talking

"Sadly, I don't always get a chance to deal with the dying person. I do believe, from my experience, that dying people know that they're dying. Families don't want to talk about that," he said. "Making funeral arrangements, living wills and health proxies is all nice, but that's still not talking about the possibility of dying, of mortality."

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