Priests encourage funeral planning

Rev. Marc Touchette was 27 when his twin sister passed away.

"Her death was unexpected, so there was a lot of confusion, grief and sadness in the family at the time," he remembered.

Three years later, his older brother died of cancer. By then a priest, Father Touchette said his parents turned to him to make arrangements for the wake, funeral and interment.

"I guess they thought I knew all about it because of my vocation. Of course, this was in 1960, when the process of death and dying was handled a bit differently than it is now. In those days, we looked at death with more of a 'final judgment' perspective," he said.

Changing view

Today, Father Touchette believes the funeral process is viewed with more of a "sense of reward and hope for eternal fulfillment."

The 77-year-old retired priest said that while his parents "looked at death as a mystery that was perhaps not understood but nonetheless accepted in faith," people now "look at the journey from life to death as one of hope and even 'going home' to God.

"I like it better this way, because it is no longer a heavy burden to bear, but something to rejoice in for the sake of the deceased," he added.

In the Albany Diocese, the Administrative Advocate for Priests requires that each priest make his own funeral arrangements as thoroughly as he can. The Evangelist asked several senior priests of the Diocese why this is important to them.

Rev. Francis O'Connor, pastor of Holy Family parish in Stottville, will turn 71 this month. He told The Evangelist that he has had his own funeral planned for quite a while.

"I've got all the songs picked out; I've chosen some all-time favorites," he said, listing "Morning Has Broken," "The Cry of the Poor" and "O God, Our Help in Ages Past."

"I haven't thought too much about the readings yet, but anything from [the Gospel of St.] Luke in chapter four would be fine," he noted.

Help for bereaved

Father O'Connor thinks that "making your own funeral arrangements is a big help to survivors. They have your wishes in front of them; there is no speculation."

Also, he said, "having faith in God's plan, talking it over with family members and writing things down" often relieves the fear connected with planning one's own funeral.

"All of our life, we journey towards God, and I believe that we try to say something with how we live and work. Making your own funeral arrangements would be the final opportunity to do that," he noted.

Rev. Paul Cox agreed that making funeral arrangements can be confusing for loved ones, especially at a time of shock, grief and sorrow.

He is retired, but serves St. Cecilia's parish in Warrensburg as sacramental minister and visits the homebound and seniors in nursing homes throughout the week. He'll turn 79 years old this month.

Details covered

Father Cox said that regarding his own funeral, his main concern lies in taking care that nothing be left for family or friends to have to deal with.

"I wanted to be sure that details such as the healthcare proxy, power of attorney and a will have been taken care of before something happens to me. I don't want anyone to have to make such personal decisions for me, as I am sure it would be a burden to them," he said.

Father Cox noted that doing so avoids possible dissention among family members or friends: "I know what my own wishes are and I know that if these wishes aren't in writing, decisions quickly made by others might lead to bad feelings. I would not want that."

Rev. Marc Touchette, who is 77 and retired, thinks it's "very important" that people consider making funeral prearrangements for two reasons.

Two points

"First, making such arrangements must be looked at as a task of love and consideration for the family members that you leave behind. I have all my arrangements made and paid for," he said.

Second, he noted, it relieves the family of the burden of having to make plans at a time of stress, grief and confusion.

Father Touchette, who recently celebrated his golden jubilee as a priest, noted that he has chosen to be buried in Our Lady of Angels Cemetery in Whitehall, next to his twin sister.

"That's home for me," he noted.

Said the priest: "Family is very big in my life. The last thing I would want would be for them to have to struggle with making my funeral arrangements. Doing so on my own has given me peace of mind as well as an opportunity to relieve them of the burden of having to do so on my behalf.

"It's a gift, really, one that I've given in love."

(11/01/07) [[In-content Ad]]