Priests combine concern for unborn and women

An unmarried, pregnant teenager says she plans on having an abortion, and her family doesn't even know she's pregnant.

A woman in her 30s feels tremendous guilt over her decision to have an abortion years ago and is unsure whether she can ever forgive herself.

Those are two of the real-life scenarios that priests face in their ministries at parishes, hospitals and college campuses. When women are considering abortion, priests try to convince them to have their baby and either raise the child themselves or offer it up for adoption. If the women have had an abortion, however, the role of priests changes, as they reach out to the women in their deep pain and sorrow, and reassure them of God's unconditional love and forgiveness.

Several priests who have dealt with such situations shared their stories with The Evangelist and offered advice on what women should do if abortion becomes an issue in their lives.

Cry for help

As chaplain at Albany Medical Center Hospital from 1983 to 1986, Rev. Richard Carlino met several women who were considering abortion. Although most were teenagers who seemed ready and willing to abort their baby, "you had to read between the lines that they were crying out for help," he said.

In such cases, Father Carlino, now pastor of Our Lady of the Assumption Church in Schenectady, emphasized the pro-life position of the Church, telling women that they would be destroying a life and reminding them of alternatives to abortion.

"I think that's what they wanted to hear," he said. "Otherwise, why would they have asked me?" He also offered to be present if a woman eventually decided to break the news to her family.

Lasting effects

Sometimes, women who had had an abortion many years earlier would visit Father Carlino and express very intense feelings of shame and remorse for what they had done. He sympathized with them amid their tears, and treated them with gentleness and mercy.

"The Church condemns the sin of abortion, but the Church never condemns the sinner. We would deal with the person with nothing but understanding, compassion and support," he said. "A lot of them did seem soothed by the consoling message."

Since these women already went through with an abortion, Father Carlino handled the situation differently than he did with women who still had a chance to choose life.

Forgiveness

"The focus more was not so much what they were telling you, but how you could best minister to them," he said. "We're there to be healers, not to judge people."

Father Carlino believes he helped these women to realize that their decision to have an abortion was not beyond God's forgiveness, nor should it be beyond theirs.

"I felt very moved and privileged to be an instrument of God's compassion and healing, and felt good that they were open to it for the most part," he said.

Campus crisis

As chaplain at the State University at Albany from 1964 to 1977 and at Maria College in Albany from 1978 to the present, Rev. Paul Smith occasionally has spoken with female students who were pregnant by men they intended to marry. Although the pregnancies often were unintended and the women realized abortion was an option, most decided to keep their babies and were primarily concerned about marriage.

One young woman, however, considered an abortion because she feared being rejected by her family if she didn't have one. With Father Smith's help, she came to realize that her family would support her if she kept the baby, which she did.

"It really wasn't very difficult once the terror factor was dealt with," he said. "Her family was very loving."

God's love

For women who come to Father Smith years after having an abortion, hearing about God's forgiveness can help to ease their pain, he said.

"I think that's an appropriate place for a faith response about universal healing and universal welcome," he said. "I try to be as compassionate as I can."

Although Father Smith has met some women who didn't necessarily regret their decision and wouldn't have done differently if they had a chance to do it over again, they did feel anxiety and wanted to talk about the decision they made.

"I didn't get a sense that women were condemning themselves, but they were still aware that a very significant phenomenon happened in their lives," he said.

Those who do seek reconciliation and spiritual healing for their actions are reminded that "the healing power of the Lord goes beyond either a confused or a bad decision that a person has made," Father Smith pointed out.

Counseling

Most of the women Rev. John Bradley has counseled about abortion during his 30 years as a parish priest were unmarried, frightened, teenage girls, some of whom hadn't even told their parents they were pregnant. Abortion was certainly on their minds, but Father Bradley, pastor of Blessed Sacrament Church in Albany, hoped they could be convinced to choose otherwise.

"I think anybody who comes to me, truthfully, has the deep-down feeling that they really don't want to do it," he said. He would recommend that a girl keep her baby and raise it if she could, or at least to choose adoption over abortion.

Often, the father of the child wanted an abortion or was out of the picture entirely. Young couples who planned to keep their baby also wrongly assumed they had to get married immediately. "Happily, in most cases, they've had their children and raised them," he said.

Lasting impact

One woman contacted Father Bradley years after she had her baby to thank him for convincing her not to have an abortion.

"That helped her realize she wasn't alone, there were other alternatives, and things could work out," he said.

Father Bradley also has spoken with women who are still struggling with their decision to have an abortion years, even decades, after the fact.

"I think the scars of it are probably more long-term and more enduring than we think in society," he said.

Reassurance

When a woman is childless, that makes a bad situation even worse, because she may feel as if she's condemned herself to never have children, he pointed out.

Father Bradley reassures these women that the Lord forgives them, and tries to convince them to forgive themselves.

"We have to trust in the forgiveness, mercy and love of God," he said. "It certainly is forgiven by the Lord, and you have to try to forgive yourself and keep going along with your life."

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