Priest battles workaholism while maintaining ministry

All his adult life, Rev. Richard Carlino has heard, "Slow down"..."You work too hard"..."You're a workaholic."

"For years, I would be so complimented when people would say that!" he confessed.

The energetic pastor of three Schenectady parishes with 2,700 families -- St. John the Evangelist, Holy Cross and St. Mary's -- struggles with what is arguably America's most socially acceptable addiction: workaholism.

Workaholics obsess about their work and often take jobs that provide an adrenaline rush, or take on extra tasks to get that "hit" of adrenaline. For workaholics, work takes priority over family, friends and leisure time. In fact, the term "leisure illness" is now being used to describe addicts who get physically sick when they try to take time off, because they're unable to stop working.

'Keyed up'

For Father Carlino, a bad day means that "I'm constantly keyed up. 'The task, the task, the task' is always there; there are not enough hours in the day" to complete all the duties wedged into his packed schedule.

"I have not yet mastered the art of saying no," he added. Besides, "I'm happy doing these things! Workaholics love to be busy. And a big part of many workaholics' struggle is perfectionism; it often inhibits me from letting go."

Though he doesn't blame his addiction on the Church or want sympathy, Father Carlino pointed out that "the need for priests today is ripe ground for workaholism."

In his own life, "you have workaholism, and then you have the call to ministry. To keep those worlds separate is a big problem: When you're giving of yourself freely, your image as a priest is enhanced, but the addiction is [triggered]."

Paying the price

Father Carlino, now 52, started to notice the toll his addiction was taking on him when he was about 40: insomnia, worsened by the fact that he also has sleep apnea; weight gain; depression; feeling "out of sync" with life; and more and more fatigue.

He gave the example of a recent workday, when he had taken on so much that he ended up with 40 phone calls to return -- a task he couldn't possibly complete in one day.

"You get stressed out; then you get tired; then you get behind, because you're trying to get so much done. It's a vicious cycle," he stated.

For years, he worried about falling asleep while driving. An older priest-friend warned him, "You won't die of workaholism, but you'll die if you hit a telephone pole."

Solution

So when, as a board member of the Albany diocesan Consultation Center in Albany, Father Carlino received a free pass to attend a presentation on workaholism, he decided to go and admits, "I saw my whole life on that stage."

The realization made him decide to get help, and he began attending Workaholics Anonymous meetings.

"The first meeting was one of the most wonderful days of my life," the priest said emotionally. "I went faithfully every Monday night for about seven years."

Father Carlino was abashed, however, to admit that he eventually stopped attending meetings because he felt he was too busy -- a sign, he knows now, that his addictive patterns had returned.

"Workaholism is an addiction, and addictions are not cured. They're manageable, but they're never curable," he noted.

Changing his life

To combat his addiction, the priest delegates some work -- he boasts of an excellent parish staff, including a business manager who handles many administrative duties -- and tries to consolidate tasks when he can.

For example, since each of the 50 weddings per year held in his parishes means hours of work, Father Carlino no longer meets with couples individually, but in groups. He has also trained married couples in the parishes to work with engaged couples and even run wedding rehearsals.

In addition, Deacon Frank Schickel has taken on visiting families when a loved one dies to help plan the funeral.

Like the birds

The pastor also makes a conscious effort to relax. He quoted his favorite Scripture passage, from the sixth chapter of Matthew's Gospel: "Look at the birds in the sky; they do not sow or reap,...yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not more important than they?"

He takes particular note of that passage while boating or even while watching animal documentaries on TV's Discovery channel before he goes to bed.

"I love to look at creation," he explained. Animals "don't work, and God provides for them."

Counseling

Father Carlino has also taken advantage of counseling offered by the diocesan Consultation Center, especially with Rev. John Malecki, staff psychologist. And he hopes to go back to attending Workaholics Anonymous meetings regularly again.

"If I have not felt hope, it's because I have not worked the [12-step] program as seriously as I should have, and I need to think about it," he admitted. "When am I being a workaholic, and when am I being a good priest? There are no clear-cut answers there."

One thing Father Carlino does know is that continuing to let workaholism rule his life will not lead to a happy ending.

"I'm afraid of high blood pressure. I'm afraid of permanent burnout," he admitted. "The danger is that burnout is 180 degrees from where you want to be: Workaholism is leading you away from serving."

(A Workaholics Anonymous meeting is held Mondays, 6 p.m., at Niskayuna Reformed Church, 3041 Troy-Schenectady Rd., Niskayuna. For information, call Bill S., 393-0611. To learn more about workaholism, visit www.workaholics-anonymous.org.)

Threefold challenge

* Workaholism is "constantly reinforced by affirmation," particularly in a Church with an ever-increasing shortage of priests. Even the title "workaholic" can still feel flattering to him;

* priests are often seen as needed in many roles -- presiding at liturgies, visiting the sick, administering the business needs of parishes -- even when they are uncomfortable or unable to fill all those roles; and

* delegating some duties brings with it its own challenges, including finding people to take on the work. If a priest has six tasks and only completes one, said Father Carlino, "who does the other five?" (KB)

(9/16/04)