People in child-bearing years focus of Elizabeth Ministers

When she was pregnant with her first child, she was in a car accident and almost miscarried. When her son was six months old, her husband died unexpectedly. Two weeks after the funeral, she found out she was pregnant again. While giving birth to that child, she and the baby almost died.

She raised her two sons on her own for 17 years and then remarried. She didn't expect to have another child but found herself pregnant later in life.

Support system

Elizabeth Ministry offers support and companionship to families during their child-bearing years. Currently, there are Elizabeth Ministry programs at St. Luke's, St. James Church in Albany, St. Clare's in Colonie, St. John the Evangelist in Schenectady and at its cluster parishes, Holy Cross and St. Mary's.

Help available

However, Elizabeth ministers are also available to support women experiencing miscarriage, infant or child death, infertility, adoption, infant or child crisis, and pregnancy complications.

Once the parish's Elizabeth Ministry program knows of a woman in need, a minister can make contact with them. Typically, the minister assigned will have had personal experience with the same issue the woman is facing. For example, a woman who found herself suddenly a single parent could be matched with Mrs. Verdicchio.

An Elizabeth minister doesn't provide counseling; they do provide companionship and a ready ear to listen, explained Meg Bergh, associate director of the Albany diocesan Family Life Office.

"There is a need for women to feel safe and communicate their needs, and know other people are going through the same thing," she said.

Experience

"It's a balancing act of trying to get the work done and pay attention to them," she said.

To help make her life easier, she put herself on a schedule. Mrs. Carrass prepares her dinner in the morning so that it will be ready to serve, no matter what happens during the day. While her children play, she works, refereeing arguments as needed. At lunch, she breaks to play with her children. Then while they are napping in the afternoon, she finishes her work.

Being there for other women is important to Mrs. Carrass. "You can feel so alone and need advice," she said.

Open to all

"The purpose of this ministry is to affirm, support and encourage women in their child-bearing years," Mrs. Bergh said.

Mrs. Carrass agreed, saying, "We need to get the word out that it's for more than [women with] a routine pregnancy."

Miscarriage

When Patty Gutch, cluster Renew 2000 coordinator, experienced a miscarriage four months into her first pregnancy, "I was extremely taken aback by it. It was very painful, and the pain lasted longer than I thought it would have, due to the things people would say."

When she experienced a second miscarriage, she prayed to God to ask how she could use this painful experience to do His will. Within a week, her cousin called and told her about Elizabeth Ministry. Mrs. Gutch knew it was the right ministry to bring to her cluster.

After her own miscarriage, she found she was alone in many ways. People didn't understand that when she miscarried, she experienced the death of her child.

"When you miscarry, it's a baby, but other people don't experience it as a baby," she said. "Connecting with another woman [who had experienced a miscarriage] was wonderful. I would like to connect other women."

For men, too

The primary caregiver to his two children, he practices law from his home. A family recently joined the parish that also had a father as the stay-at-home parent, so Mrs. Onderdonk-Milne encouraged Mr. Dixon to reach out to the new parishioner.

As the primary caregiver, Mr. Dixon must juggle the demands of work and children as well as societal attitudes about gender roles. "It's a little odd to be at home," he said. "Either people think you're weird, or they are envious."

New world

Bucking society's rules about father's roles has its advantages. "During the first two years of my daughter's life, I was gone from 7 a.m. to 7 p.m.," he said. "Now I spend much more time with my children."

Scheduling

"I've had to divorce myself from normal business hours," he said. "I work on a child's schedule. I live for afternoon naps and am a big fan of 'Sesame Street' and 'Arthur.' Children are more than a distraction [from work.] When a three-year-old wants to use the potty, everything must come to a stop."

As an Elizabeth minister, he hopes to help other men transition into their role as primary caregiver. "It's good to have someone to talk to that has experienced something similar," he said.

(The diocesan Family Life Office will host a meeting on May 4 for those currently involved in Elizabeth Ministry and those interested in starting one at their own parishes. For more information, call the Family Life Office at 453-6677.)

(02-25-99) [[In-content Ad]]