Parents instill faith by walking the walk

For parents pondering those questions, experts who work with families have some ideas to help, ideas that boil down to personal modeling and parents' living their values, not just preaching them.

"Teens are naturally drawn to authentic people, people that know what is meaningful to them and their families, people that live their values," said Joyce Solimini, associate director for sacramental and family catechesis at the diocesan Office of Evangelization and Catechesis (OEC). "When they see their parents 'walking the walk' as well as 'talking the talk,' they will be drawn to them and what they do."

Questions

According to Mrs. Solimini, it is of vital importance that young people participate in parish life as fully as possible so they know what it means to be a disciple and to be actively involved in their faith. She cautioned, however, that sometimes parents take on much more than they need to in the process of directing their teens towards a life of faith.

"We shouldn't beat ourselves up about it," she noted. "We are all on a faith journey, and God is working in our daily lives. We should give them space, listen to their concerns and questions, and offer insight as well as example."

Looking around

"That's because some parents have never questioned what makes their faith real and meaningful to them," she said. "As a result, they can't offer answers to their children.

"Where their faith is concerned, young adults will investigate what is 'out there' and what may or may not work for them. They may see what authenticated their parents' and grandparents' faith experience, but it is not guaranteed that they will do the same thing. They are looking for a spirituality that can make sense to them today, not one that may have worked yesterday for their mom and dad or their grandparents. Young adults of today want a faith experience that is personally authentic for them and their way of life."

Foundation

"Your family really is your introduction to faith when you are a child," he said. "Who knows what it would have been like for me if I did not have that example or the structure that my family provided?"

Mr. Bryant thinks teens look at their world in more critical ways and question everything. As a teen himself, faith and spirituality didn't really "fit the bill" for him, so just going to Mass on Sunday was enough. When he attended college, he met others with different religious ideas and began to think more about his own faith.

"Once I looked into other faith experiences," Mr. Bryant recalled, "I realized from an adult perspective, that my own family had played a large part in my spiritual growth and development. Parents should be as supportive as they can during the teen years; but really, once a child has become a young adult, he or she will naturally make their own decisions regarding what they want to do. I have friends that didn't have the background [in Catholicism] that I had. Now they ask questions and want to know about different things in our faith."

Finding his way

"I was in the tenth grade," he remembered. "One night, I picked up a King James Version of the Bible and began reading Scripture on my own."

Mr. Valosin, who is now in his early thirties, said that reading the Bible led to "lots of changes in myself. One thing I learned was how important it is to listen to people."

Evolution

"As a matter of fact, my brother eventually left the Church because he couldn't find any reason to stay," he said. "Our parish did not do very much to meet our spiritual needs."

While attending college, Mr. Valosin became friendly with a group of young people who openly discussed their faith and spiritual matters among themselves and with several professors. Out of that group, he said, "maybe six men -- at least four -- have gone on to study for the priesthood. God blessed me in many ways during that time of my life."

Mr. Valosin feels now that "God has led me in some spectacular ways to people and places that I never would have imagined possible." For example, he is involved in the young adult ministry on the diocesan level.

Listening

He also suggested that parents encourage friendships with like-minded individuals because, "when kids stop listening to parents -- and at this age many do -- they will turn to their friends and peers, and develop their support network there."

(02-14-02) [[In-content Ad]]