Parents can pass faith to children without fumbling

Parents who were raised in dense, Catholic neighborhoods can easily assume that their children are absorbing religion from the atmosphere. But in a more secular age, that transfer is no longer guaranteed. Increasingly, young families find that they must do more of the work once left to the nuns and priests. 

“Parents are the role model,” said Maureen Smith, pastoral associate for evangelization and catechesis at St. Mary’s in Clinton Heights. “I only have the child so many hours a year. Parents have them 24/7.”

What mom knew

Jennifer Lotano grew up going to church Sundays without appreciating how her parents juggled activities and sports of five children to get them to Mass at the same time.
“My parents were diligent about getting us to church,” said Lotano, a parishioner of Immaculate Conception Church in Glenville. “I didn’t appreciate that then, but I appreciate it now.”

So now, in addition to going to Mass, Mrs. Lotano, a former fashion designer for Victoria’s Secret, and her husband Angelo, an airline pilot, pray daily with their children and talk about Jesus with them. Mrs. Lotano also reminds the children of how much God has given to them. “I want to teach them gratitude,” she said. When the children are arguing or facing a problem, the Lotanos talk to them about how Jesus would handle the situation. 

“Angelo and I say the Rosary every night,” Mrs. Lotano said. “We have our ‘prayer chairs’ and the kids know that this is something important that Mom and Dad do.”

Parents central

The Lotano family’s routines are an important piece of their children’s faith formation, according to religious leaders and education experts. 

“Parents are the first and most important educators of their own children,” Pope John Paul II wrote in his 1994 Letter to Families, “and they also possess a fundamental competence in this area: they are educators because they are parents.”

Since parents spend the most time with children, said Ms. Smith of St. Mary’s, catechists must partner with them. “We’re in this together to help them raise holy, happy, and healthy children.”

Parents often feel that they don’t have the knowledge to pass on the faith, she added. In her previous ministry at St. Ann’s in Fort Ann and Our Lady of Hope in Whitehall, Ms. Smith told parents that each Catholic is a catechist, “a person who shares the word of God.”

Once a parent becomes involved, the whole family has the opportunity to grow.
Families in faith

One family told Ms. Smith that their last child’s confirmation meant more to them than their older children’s because they were a part of the preparation. She said that the father told her, “This brought me back to the Church.” 

Elizabeth Schlesier-Flaska, pastoral associate for faith formation at Our Lady of Mercy in Colonie works with parents to prepare their children for Mass. She also prepares them for Baptisms. Mrs. Schlesier-Flaska tells parents that just as they teach their children the alphabet and nursery rhymes, so can they lead them in prayer.

“Families want to be involved,” she said. “They do understand that they are the first teachers of their child in the faith.”

Rev. Charles Gaffigan, pastor of Church of the Holy Infancy in Lake Luzerne and Church of the Immaculate Conception in Corinth, said that many parents know that a child needs more than religious education classes. 

“Even though they promised at their child’s Baptism to be the primary instructor of their child in the Faith they are not quite sure how to pass on that cherished faith,” he said.
Holy Infancy and Immaculate Conception are offering Generations Learning Together, a twelve session faith formation program that combines Mass, lunch, and learning.

“Parents are busy,” he said. “There are working parents and single moms. What we’re asking almost seems impossible. It’s not impossible if they make it a priority.”

(9/18/08)