Parents are prime educators

In a society that is increasingly violent and where there is a lack of safe space for children to play, kids are spending less time just being kids.

So says Kathleen Chesto, a Connecticut-based expert in family ministry and religious education who is one of nine speakers scheduled to made presentations at Gathering '97, an upcoming Sesquicentennial event.

It is parents and family that can make the difference in a child's life, Dr. Chesto said. "Society puts down our parenting instincts," she said. "I want to help people realize these instincts."

Being kids

Society, Dr. Chesto said, is sending some strong and negative messages to children.

"At the turn of the century, we were a frugal nation. We mended; we fixed. We were proud of that until World War II when it became patriotic to buy stuff," she explained. "Now we measure happiness by the stuff we can accumulate."

According to Dr. Chesto, a 1970 survey asked people what made for a good life; owning a home, having a lawn and owning a car were the responses. The same study in 1996 found that having a home, a summer home, two cars and a boat were the priorities.

Materialism

While adults are working to accumulate things, children are also attracted to materialism. "Our materialistic society raises them to be consumers," she said.

For example, she said, when children returned to school earlier this month, many were greeted by the pressure to have the right shoes, backpacks and lunch boxes. "We have this fear of depriving them of things everyone else has," said the mother of three.

The pressure on children doesn't end with material goods, Dr. Chesto continued. They are also enrolled at younger ages in organized sports, dance, and music lessons.

"We're training our children younger for competitive sports, ballet and music," she explained. "We're afraid they won't be able to compete in high school unless we enroll them at five. But how do we know at five? Sometimes by high school, they don't want to play it anymore. There are little children who are gifted in dance or gymnastics, but most children are not extraordinarily gifted."

Taking control

Dr. Chesto said it's time for parents to take control. "We need to take the reins back. We're the parents," she said. To do that, she suggests:

* Adopting a simpler lifestyle that involves allowing children to watch less television. By watching less TV, they are exposed to less advertising -- which means they won't be sucked into the materialism of society. Less TV also means children won't be exposed to violence, sex and a lack of morality at a young age.

* Allowing children the opportunity to play the way generations of children have -- using their imaginations. This imaginative play, Dr. Chesto says, helps in the moral development of children. "There are valuable lessons learned from play," she said. "They're not getting the opportunity."

Moral lessons

While some people may think that moral development is the responsibility of religious educators, Catholic school teachers or the Church community, Dr. Chesto said it is really the job of parents.

"We are the primary educators of our child," she stated. "We will teach our children about God. It begins the first time you hold the child."

She explained that a child's first lesson in prayer comes when they cry out and their parents respond. Children voice their need and the parent responds; it is the same with God. "Parents are the first experience a child has of God," she said. "In everything we do from the moment they are born, we are teaching about God. We don't have the theological words; we've got the actions."

Religious ed

Parental actions are even more important than what's happening in the religious education classroom, she said.

"If parents aren't talking about faith, it's not going to take," she said of faith and moral development. "It's like sending them out for one hour a week to teach them that four-plus-four equals eight and the rest of the week telling them four-plus-four is nine."