Nun: Mid-life crisis can be overcome

You don't have to be 50 to have a mid-life crisis, according to Sister Constance Messitt, CSJ, of The Priory Retreat Center in Chestertown.

Having led workshops on the subject since 1982, she has learned that mid-life crises can come at 35 or 65.

"It depends on life's circumstances," she told The Evangelist. "A person in their early- or mid-30s can be diagnosed with cancer, lose a loved one, have a loved one go to Iraq. Life begins to change and becomes very chaotic."

Crisis time

Sister Connie is a devotee of Carl Jung, the Swiss psychiatrist who founded analytical psychology.

She explained that he believed there are two halves to life: the first focused on the outer journey, which deals with how you appear to others (for instance, having the role of mother or teacher), and the second on the inner journey, or discovering who you really are.

A mid-life crisis is the transition between these. At such times, said Sister Connie, people can become depressed or just experience many different emotions -- which they may try to squelch rather than feel -- and despair about what to do with the rest of their lives.

Triggers

Mid-life crises can be triggered by having grown children leave home, caring for aging parents, losing friends or other changes.

Sister Connie noted that the struggle to cope leaves people "searching for 'the more.'"

A mid-life crisis, then, is really "a call to conversion," she said.

Personal experience

The retreat leader is intimately familiar with her subject matter: In the 1980s, after many years as a teacher and principal, she left her job at Sacred Heart School in Troy and her religious order, the Sisters of St. Joseph of Carondelet.

During her own mid-life crisis, she lived for four years in Connecticut.

"It was a very powerful time for me," she remembered. "I was trying to decide, who am I? I struggled with what 'Church' was; I was depressed."

With time and counseling, Sister Connie made it through her crisis and returned to religious life, though not to her previous career.

One positive about mid-life crises, she noted, is that "you discover gifts you never knew you had" -- in her case, the talent to lead retreats. "I never dreamed I would do the ministry I'm doing," she remarked.

Journey

Today, Sister Connie believes in Jung's theory of integrating physical, psychological and spiritual development in order to journey through a mid-life crisis.

She pointed out that the physical body is affected by crises, and that spiritual directors often tell people in turmoil to "listen to their bodies" for cues about when something is wrong.

Attention to the physical also helps other areas. Sister Connie said that, during her own crisis, she learned to dance for the first time in her life and to express feelings through art.

Steps to take

She recited a list of other ways to process a mid-life crisis: spiritual direction or counseling, prayer and meditation, journaling, healthy eating, exercise, and rest.

In addition, she said, many people pull away from connections with others during crises, but "relationships are very important."

People in crisis also learn about relationship with self: namely, accepting their "opposite sides."

Sister Connie gave the example of women learning to be assertive, integrating their masculine sides, and men becoming gentler.

"You also integrate the parts of yourself you don't like," she added.

Taking time

According to the retreat leader, it takes about four years of "allowing God to be present to all of who you are" in order to move through a mid-life crisis.

She compared such crises to Advent, a time of waiting that can seem like emptiness: Those in a mid-life crisis must first experience that emptiness before coming to joy.

A mid-life crisis can lead to major changes in the direction of people's lives. Sister Connie pointed to Dorothy Day, who struggled to find her life's purpose in her youth, but ended up founding the Catholic Worker movement; and to Blessed Teresa of Calcutta, who changed religious communities during her own crisis.

"Part of [wondering], 'What is the more?' is, 'What can I do?'" she noted.

(To contact Sister Connie about leading a retreat, call 494-3733 or email [email protected]. The Priory's website is www.prioryretreathouse.org.)

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