Nothing new in new shows

A shovel-load of new shows has been dumped on various networks in recent weeks, but none of them has persuaded me to give up what I'm watching now.

On TNT, "The New Adventures of Robin Hood" turns the Sherwood Forester into a sort of medieval Hercules in tights as he eschews the longbow for low blows -- karate chops, that is.

Another series about robbing from the rich to give to the poor might have been a hit; it has been too long since TV did right by that legend. But nothing right is being done by this ridiculous conglomeration of magic, sorcery and -- I kid you not -- flying Merry Men strapped to crude hang gliders.

Built along the preposterous lines of "Hercules" and "Xena," with clumsily staged action sequences, "Robin Hood" is out of place, out of time and out of my viewing plans....

After Ted Koppel folds his "Nightline" show and steals away for the night, ABC allows comedian Bill Maher to host "Politically Incorrect," a refugee from the Comedy Channel that built its reputation by inviting a motley crew of people to discuss current events.

The trouble with this show is how motley the crew is. Do you really want to stay up past midnight to find out what Dana Carvey or Edie McClurg thinks about the state of the union? Lisa Kudrow may not be a dumb blonde in real life, but she has played one on "Friends," "Mad About You" and various talk shows, so it's rather difficult to think she has anything significant to say about international trade.

I also suspect that the banter on "PI" isn't as unscripted as viewers are led to believe. I remember the sad day I learned that the sharp "ad libs" issuing from the mouths of Charlie Weaver and Paul Lynde on "Hollywood Squares" were really written out for them prior to the show. I wouldn't be surprised to find out that the same sort of cheat sheet is provided to the guests strung alongside Mr. Maher. Too many "PI" segments end too conveniently with perfect one-liners; and I don't think author Robert Fulghum is that naturally funny....

Rosie O'Donnell's afternoon talk show isn't that new, but it's taken me this long to figure out what makes it so popular. It is, I am assured by her fans, the fact that she is not so talented, not so skinny and not so smart.

I am not making this up. Several Rosie devotees have explained to me that they are tired of entertainers who weigh 95 pounds and talk about their personal trainers so they don't -- gasp! -- reach 96. Rosie seems happy with her girth, they say, and her lame singing of old TV show themes makes her seem like one of the gang. She may be in show business, but she's not of it.

Personally, I don't get it. Rosie's worship of her guests is sickeningly sweet, and I wish someone would buy her clothes that fit (I always want to run up to her and trim back her sleeves, which dangle below her fingers). But I'm willing to bow to those who find her cheeriness refreshing and invigorating while other talk shows continue to feature guests who berate one another verbally if not physically. Besides, since I work, I never see her anyway.

(03-06-97)

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