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There's no "graduation" from grief, said Rev. Matthew Wetsel about the new bereavement support group at Our Lady of the Valley parish in Middleburgh, where he is pastor.

The group, which started on Palm Sunday, meets the last Sunday of each month to assist people through the grieving process after the loss of a loved one.

After a large number of funerals at OLV in the preceding months, many parishioners had remarked that there weren't enough resources for the time afterward. Parishioners "said they would benefit from getting together to talk about their grief," said Father Wetsel, who is also sacramental minister for Our Lady of Fatima parish in Delanson.

"As a Catholic parish, we do our best to serve the parishioners," he told The Evangelist. "We try to offer support and prayers to those who are grieving."

Slow process
The bereavement group meetings are led by parishioners Linda Pagano and Darlene Rinaldo; the two have done research to educate themselves and group members about the grief process.

Group member Chris (last name withheld for privacy) appreciates the bereavement circle's confidentiality: "It does help talking about it, because oftentimes, you say, 'Oh, I'm fine.' But it's good to talk about it and say, 'No, I'm feeling crappy.'"

"In the first meeting, it was asked if 'bereavement' meant just [grieving for] someone who had died," said Ms. Rinaldo. The answer is no: The group is intended to help anyone with any sort of loss, physical or emotional.

Members gather for an hour or so in a conference room at the parish. The facilitator may play soft music, both to calm participants and to keep passersby from overhearing their discussions. Sometimes, Father Wetsel brings a snack to share.

"We say a prayer in the beginning and talk about what the loss was and who it was and how the relationship was with that person," Chris told The Evangelist. "There are things that Linda has brought that she reads, and it does help. It's someone else's printed story, [but] sometimes it's worded in such a way that it really kicks in.

Hugs and discussion

"It's nice giving everybody a hug and things like that," she added.

Although there is a structure to the meetings, "if people talk, I sit there and let them talk," said Ms. Pagano. Chris has found reassurance in knowing that other group members have gone through losses. "It does help to make me feel better and more comfortable," she said.

Participants in the group were given a journal at the beginning. According to Ms. Rinaldo, "telling the story of a loved one can help [the healing process] by bringing those memories present to you and people who never knew them."

"Sometimes, when they write, it's easier" to express feelings, Ms. Pagano added.

The facilitators may use Scripture at the meetings. From time to time, group members are also given exercises or goals to accomplish before their next gathering. The assignments are just suggestions; with "everything that I'm giving them, it's up to them to utilize it," said Ms. Pagano.

Having attended the group for some time, "I feel now that sometimes I need to reach out to people," said Chris. "It makes me want to call instead of waiting for someone to call."[[In-content Ad]]

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