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For the past 15 years, my husband Mike and I have spent time with engaged couples through the Catholic pre-Cana marriage preparation program. They come to our home three evenings and on each visit, we spend two hours together. We share what works in our marriage and what stuff we're working on.

It was a challenge fitting these pre-Cana evenings into our life with four sons but it helped keep God at the center of our marriage and, in turn, to preserve my sanity.
The couples usually arrive with a bit of apprehension. Occasionally, a couple will sit down with arms crossed, on opposite sides of the couch. By our third evening together, they are hugging us goodbye, giving us gifts and inviting us to the wedding. 

Last month we were asked to do a pre-Cana program for a bunch of couples. Preferring the privacy of our home, we reluctantly agreed. The group was wonderful. 

The couples seem to take their commitment to marriage seriously and it was encouraging. In preparing for this large group pre-Cana, I asked Mike what would be "the one thing" he would like to tell the engaged couples. Recalling the movie "Forrest Gump," he said, "Run, Forrest, run!"  

The couples worked diligently in their workbooks and discussed their ideas and opinions. Later in the day, looking at their weary faces, I whispered to Mike, "At 8:30 this morning they arrived in engagement la-la land and in only five hours, we've transported them to marriage reality land."  He murmured back, "Why do you think we're here?" 

At the end of the day, just before we prayed with the group, I shared what I have learned in my 27 years of marriage with the attentive, young, "we-just-can't-sit-close-enough-to-each-other" couples. 

Marriage is a beautiful thing, I tell them, and keeping God at the center of your relationship is the best decision you will ever make. It's just that marriage is hard work.

If you are in this for good "'til death do us part," then expect that you will go through good times and bad times. These good and bad times will last days, months and sometimes even years. At times you'll have more money than you need; at times you'll feel paralyzed with fear because you need much more than you have. 

The natural affection you feel for each other today is something you will have to purposely work at to sustain throughout your marriage. You will also become ill in some way - physically, emotionally or spiritually - and you will need your spouse to take care of you. 

I love when things are great with Mike and the boys. It's like being in la-la land. But I don't get to live there. I only get to visit every once in a while. The rest of the time, with God's unfailing help, we enjoy plugging away with home, kids, work, bills, wrinkles...and it's all good. It's just a lot of hard work.

(Bernadette Bonanno is a member of Our Lady of Mercy parish in Colonie.) [[In-content Ad]]

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