Mad about Yellowstone geysers

As the new year gets underway, here are some thoughts and puzzlements about television:

* Has anyone else noticed the gallons and gallons of liquids consumed on sitcoms? Any character who enters a scene has to go to the 'fridge, pull out a bottle of something and begin sipping. The fluid is often water, which no one on TV drinks from the faucet like the rest of America.

I think "Seinfeld" started this. Whenever Kramer, Elaine or George would visit Jerry, they would stop at his refrigerator to pull out a bottle of H2O. Or juice. Or milk for the endless bowls of cereal they ate. On "Everyone Loves Raymond," Ray rarely passes through his kitchen without grabbing what seems to be ginger ale, although it comes in a bottle that looks like mouthwash.

What are the writers trying to tell us? That comedy is dry work? That the studio audience is thirsting for humor? That what's about to happen isn't funny so we should go to our own kitchens to pop a can of Dr. Pepper?

Speaking of consumables, when TV characters eat, why do they almost always munch Chinese dinners from those little containers usually used to bring goldfish home from WalMart?...

* Here are two items that may add up to something. First, ABC's website has received an award from the Planned Parenthood Federation of America for a piece on infant mortality (an ironic topic to be honored by PPFA, which supports abortion). Second, ABC has announced the production of a movie titled "Swing Vote" about a future America where Roe v. Wade has been overturned and the Supreme Court is weighing an abortion case.

Let's see if Planned Parenthood is pleased with the results when the two-hour film airs later this season....

* I've become mad about "Mad About You" - and I don't mean in a positive sense. The series is supremely unfunny this season; and since I think she's the problem, I would enjoy seeing the character of Jamie kidnaped and held incommunicado for several episodes.

The series used to be about a married couple who enjoyed each other's company. It's now about Paul's attempt to maintain peace in the home and self-respect while his wife demeans him, blocks his career from expanding, and orients everything to her wish and whim. Can you say "co-dependency"?...

* None of the television series that debuted in September has held my interest. My wife Mary and I flirted with "To Have & To Hold" and "L.A. Doctors," but they soon dropped off our must-see list onto our "if we have nothing better to do" list and finally to our "use the off button" list.

In fact, not much on TV, old or new, is keeping our interest. More and more nights are spent playing the piano, reading books or surfing through cable channels in search of fascinating documentaries. One of the most beautiful I've ever seen, an hour among the geysers in Yellowstone Park, turned up recently on the Discovery Channel. God's odd creations were magnificently photographed with narration kept to a minimum so that the scenery rightly dominated.

Thanks to videotape, I watched the show twice in 24 hours, which is two times more than I've watched "The Nanny" in four years.

(01-14-99)

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