Lust warps God's gift: human sexual desire

The difference between healthy sexual desire and the capital sin of lust can be summed up in two words: exploitation and irresponsibility.

Rev. John Malecki, staff psychologist at the diocesan Consultation Center and chaplain at Teresian House Nursing Home, both in Albany, calls normal human sexual desire "a wonderful energy that's a gift from God."

People whose sexual desires are well-balanced, he said, love themselves, feel comfortable with their bodies, and are caring and loving to those around them.

"If a person genuinely loves their own body, what you will see is the responsible, loving use of that energy," he explained.

Body and soul

But many people today don't feel that way. The therapist traced the problem back to St. Augustine; in the fifth century, the famous saint wrote about the difference between the body and soul, calling the body something negative that kept people from God.

"Withdraw from the body; rise above yourself," St. Augustine wrote, going so far as to compare sexual desire to a mad dog that had to be kept chained. People began to believe that their bodies and the desires that went along with them were inherently sinful, said Father Malecki, and many Catholics still believe that.

"It's an unhealed wound today, from the Christian perspective," he stated.

Sin of lust

That "wound" causes people to act on their sexual desires in an exploitative or irresponsible way -- the hallmarks of lust. Prime examples of lust, said Father Malecki, would be infidelity to a spouse or irresponsibly acting on sexual desire with a non-married partner.

Withholding sex from one's marriage partner or making sexual relations in marriage into a power play is also a form of lust, he said.

The extreme end of abuse of sexual desire is rape, where the therapist said hatred of oneself is "so bad that the power factor comes in": sexual desire and the thirst for power become entangled.

Feelings

Lust can be confusing to talk about, the therapist said, because people often believe they're committing the sin of lust any time they feel or act on sexual desire.

The sin, he said, is not in the feeling, but in the intention to act on it in an abusive or irresponsible way. He gave the example of a man looking at a woman walking by: If the man sees the woman and feels sexual desire, it's not a sin; if he intends to seduce her into sleeping with him later, it becomes a sin. The sin is the intention to act irresponsibly and to commit adultery.

Father Malecki recalled a conference he attended where a young, handsome speaker attracted many women. The man actually acknowledged during his talk that many female conference participants were flirting with him but added, "I live out of my commitment to my wife."

When the speaker stated his intention not to act on sexual desire, "the whole atmosphere changed," said Father Malecki.

Changing ways

He advised people who acknowledge they're committing the sin of lust to work on changing through therapy and the Sacrament of Reconciliation. Several things must happen in order for a person to heal, he said:

* the person becomes aware that their behavior is unhealthy;

* they find role models of people who have a healthy balance of loving themselves; and

* they associate themselves with that kind of person. Healthy, loving behavior, said Father Malecki, is "caught by contagion."

Living chastely

Chastity is the "flip side" of lust -- the virtue that's the opposite of the sin -- but Father Malecki cautioned that chastity shouldn't mean no expression of sexuality whatsoever.

"Chastity is healthy, responsible loving of your body, mind and spirit, loving your sexuality and all the feelings and pleasures in a responsible, loving way. You won't commit lust, then," he said.

(The Catechism of the Catholic Church calls lust "disordered desire for or inordinate enjoyment of sexual pleasure." Sexual pleasure, it says, is "morally disordered when sought for itself, isolated from its procreative and unitive purposes." Masturbation has traditionally been seen by the Church as an expression of the sin of lust and is still called such in the Catechism.)

(3/27/2003) [[In-content Ad]]