April 6, 2018 at 1:53 p.m.
MARIA COLLEGE
Looking back at bereavement program
For the past 14 years, the experience has transformed the lives of participants and taught them to accompany others from grief to growth to gratitude. As a co-creator of the program, I have been touched by the profound stories which ensued. Lasting bonds were formed by sharing vulnerabilities.
My compassion for the suffering of others became more deeply rooted. Awed by participants' willingness to face their fears, I became more courageous in confronting the unresolved losses of my own life. Our students taught me to experience the freedom of release, the grace of letting go.
A significant factor in this has been the expressive arts: journaling, collage, drawing, guided meditation and creative ritual. One student who was grieving the losses inherent in her husband's incarceration processed her feelings through poems later published in the book "Writing Away the Demons: Stories of Creative Coping through Transformative Writing."
Here is one poem: "For our friends/who opened their arms to catch our fall/as we had no choice/but to jump from the roof/of our burning hearts/How else could we have landed/without breaking/without shattering/into a million/unmendable pieces?"
Another meaningful experience was that of "reframing" the story of one's life subsequent to healing of the heart. Writing the story in the form of a myth can provide resolution.
This is a myth by one student: "Once upon a time, there was a happy child named Gretta. She had soft brown hair and beautiful blue eyes that took in all the amazing beauty of the world. But these same observant eyes also noticed there were sad things in the kingdom. Saddest of all, there were people who were treated rudely because they were different. These things made Gretta cry. Still, Gretta loved the flowers of summer and the stars of winter, the butterflies and frogs and all creatures. She dreamed of a day when everyone would be able to enjoy these marvelous things as she did.
"But then, a prince came to the kingdom. Everyone thought he would be the perfect match for Gretta. A big feast was planned for the royal wedding. Gretta and the prince left the kingdom and moved to a Far Away Place.
"Life with the prince was hard. Sometimes he was unkind and his punishments were cruel. The Far Away Place was lonely and unfamiliar. Gretta no longer dreamed of flowers and stars.
"Years passed. Gretta grew older. The little princes and princesses who brought laughter to the prince's dark cottage were growing up. It was time for Gretta to find her own castle. One by one, Gretta, the young princes and princesses left the Far Away Place.
"After a long journey and many tears, they found the Castle of Dreams. There were butterflies and frogs and, best of all, the princes and princesses began to dream again of the day when the kingdom would bloom for everyone. They set to work on their dream and lived happily ever after.
"The moral of Gretta's story is this: As you travel, hold onto your dreams. Even if you take a wrong turn, your dream will be there, waiting for you to make it come true."
Countless other memories come to mind:
• the retired doctoral professor from The University at Albany who came seeking information on grief and loss and found himself on a personal spiritual journey. He went on to become a hospital chaplain, a certified spiritual director and a preacher in his church.
• Four Albany police officers gobbled up a course on Traumatic Grief and were hungering for more. They convinced the college administration to add an additional credit.
• A Maria College nursing student took a course on disenfranchised grief and learned to listen more deeply to her patients as well as family members.
As a stone thrown into a pond creates ripples, so am I confident that our bereavement students will continue to spread circles of mercy. I shall remain forever grateful for this amazing opportunity.
(Sister Jean is retiring after 14 years of leading the bereavement studies program.)
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