Like what you see in mirror? Body images can be improved

Men wish to be big and muscular, but not fat. Women want to be model-thin and beautiful.

But when most people look in the mirror, their bodies don't match those ideals -- and they often don't like what they see.

That's where Donna Lochner comes in. An Albany psychotherapist with a degree in community counseling, she leads workshops on topics like "Healing your Body Image," the subject of a group recently held at the diocesan Consultation Center in Albany.

Self-image

Aside from sociocultural influences, Ms. Lochner told The Evangelist that many of those who attend her workshops feel uncomfortable with their bodies because of changes caused by aging, illness or injury. She described women entering menopause and one patient who had been scarred in a fire, noting, "That can really shake up a [person's] body image."

People with a history of abuse also tend to struggle with body image. When someone is abused, Ms. Lochner explained, the trauma disconnects them from their bodies. People often end up feeling that the body that experienced the abuse is bad.

Finally, she added, people who generally don't like themselves are more apt not to like their bodies, either. Women are more likely to have poor body images than men, since men take a more "functional" view of their bodies, while women tend to be more focused on aesthetics.

Positive approaches

Ms. Lochner believes that taking that functional view of one's body is a way to begin looking at it in a more positive way. She advised women to try saying things like, "These breasts fed my children; these arms have allowed me to embrace others" in order to appreciate the fact that the body functions as well as it does.

According to Ms. Lochner, there are two categories to examine in trying to heal one's body image: behaving in ways that indicate loving the body, and using self-talk that is loving and compassionate.

While those may sound simple, she said, it can be difficult to start treating your body well if you aren't comfortable with the way it looks. She cited several ways to start:

* Think about how a relationship improves when you treat a spouse well, with caring and respect, as opposed to focusing on their flaws. The same principles apply to body image: Compassion and gentleness are much more healing than harshness.

* Tune into your body's needs, which may be ignored by people taking a punitive approach to their bodies: Are you comfortable? Do you need to stretch or use the bathroom?

* Pamper your body: Get a massage, sleep on silk sheets, buy clothes that are comfortable in materials that feel good.

When people say, "I'm not buying another pair of pants until I lose three sizes," Ms. Lochner noted, it doesn't help them feel better about their bodies. In fact, she even advises making a list of things you've been putting off until your body "looks better," and doing some of those things.

The therapist recalled a female patient who struggled so much with her body image that wearing a sleeveless shirt to the grocery store was a huge step. However, once the patient did so, "it began to shift her experience of herself" to a more positive space.

Feeling better

In her workshops, Ms. Lochner uses techniques like story-writing and guided imagery to help people "talk" with their bodies. She often asks participants to write how they feel about their bodies with one hand, then use the opposite hand to answer from the perspective of the body.

Though people may scoff at the technique at first, she said, they learn that "frequently, people's body parts will express disgust that they're so hated. Imagining how it feels to be treated like that often softens people."

Since many people have negative body images because they're overweight or have eating disorders, Ms. Lochner also focuses on that issue.

"Being self-accepting is not about saying, 'Oh, I'll keep eating like this,'" she said of those who overeat. "Part of self-love is self-parenting: treating your body well, food-wise; not eating past the point of fullness."

However, she noted, "self-hatred is much more physically dangerous than [being] overweight. Healthy people do not treat themselves in a disrespectful way; if you really want to be healthy, start to appreciate and treat respectfully the vehicle the spirit lives in."

(Ms. Lochner recommended two books on the subject of body image: "When Women Stop Hating Their Bodies" by Jane R. Hirschmann and "The Body Image Workbook" by Thomas Cash. Contact Ms. Lochner at 456-7030. For more information on programs offered by the Consultation Center, call 489-4431.)

(12/9/04)