Learn to listen to tales of aged

By MAUREEN MCGUINNESS- | Comments: 0 | Leave a comment

As Janet Hans walked through the halls of Teresian House Nursing Home in Albany, her long skirt caught the attention of a resident who stopped Ms. Hans to tell her a story about her youth, long skirts and trolley rides.

Ms. Hans, director of community affairs, public relations and volunteers at Teresian House, enjoys listening to the stories of the residents.

"They're looking for someone to tell a story to," she said. "I think [sharing stories] validates your life and prepares you for death."

Once upon...

Ms. Hans has listened to the stories of the residents in informal settings like walking through the halls, and in more formal ways: She has facilitated a prose and poetry group that swaps stories. The group has shared memories of holidays, parades and bicycles built for two.

"I'd give them a subject to think about, like how to make ice cream," Ms. Hans said. "That would get into stories about how their grandmothers made ice cream."

Sharing such memories is important, say experts on aging. "It's called life review," said Marty Haase, executive director of the Caregivers Program, a Catholic Charities agency. "When we get to the end of our life, we review: Did it have meaning? Was it worthwhile? We want to find that we had purpose and meaning."

Family history

Life review is an important process, and not only for the elderly, Ms. Haase said. Writing down the stories, or audio- or video-taping them can help create a family history. Several books are available that can help people write down their memories, which can also become an activity for the younger and older generations of a family to work on together.

"It's a wonderful thing for children to do," Ms. Haase said. Memories of the Depression or World War II should be shared so that younger generations can hear first-hand accounts.

Ms. Hans agreed, saying, "It's part of their legacy and history. It's important that we listen or we'll never hear the stories again."

Sparking memories

Ms. Haase suggests that listeners encourage seniors to share their stories. "Say tell me more," she said. "Ask, 'What was that like for you? How did that feel for you?'"

Ms. Hans has found that commenting on a picture can spark a person to share a memory. "An old person's face lights up if you can get them to tell," she said. "You have to get them started. Give them a lead-in, like a picture or memento."

Ms. Hans said when a senior tells a story they are saying, "I had a past. I was young. I fell in love."

Problems

It can be difficult for families to listen to stories. At times, seniors can tell the same stories repeatedly, which can test the patience of relatives. She suggests taking a break and bringing in someone who hasn't heard the stories as often.

"If they go over and over a story, they haven't worked through it yet," Ms. Haase said.

At other times, the story doesn't seem accurate. "As they relay their life, it can be distorted," Ms. Haase said. "Don't correct them. The story is from their reference point."

The most important thing is to make sure senior members of a family have the opportunity to share their stories. "If families aren't interested, they're the big losers," Ms. Hans said.

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