Kids make foster moms better parents

Johnna Norton, a foster parent in St. Catherine's Center, Albany's therapeutic family program, said being a foster parent has helped her appreciate small victories.

"There is the thrill of small gains," she said. "They're different for each child, but some of these victories are when they start using a fork, are able to go out to a restaurant, or are able to sleep through the night without having a nightmare and wake up and feel safe."

Always there

Pat Gagnon, also a St. Catherine's Center foster parent, agreed. "These children don't take things for granted," she said.

The two foster children that have lived with her family appreciated the nurturing they received in her home, while Mrs. Gagnon learned the importance of small victories. "Little things like following directions, or holding hands while crossing the street, or listening were celebrated," she said.

Parenting skills

An added benefit to foster parenting is that sibling squabbles diminished in the Gagnon home. She said her family agreed to foster parent as a team, and as soon as the first foster child arrived, the Gagnon children saw themselves as team members. "It made our family closer," Mrs. Gagnon said.

The Gagnons first became a foster family when their oldest child entered college. The family had an empty bedroom, a desire to nurture, and friends who enjoyed being foster parents. "This is another way to help," Mrs. Gagnon said. "I enjoy knowing that for at least a time a needy child was cared for."

Motives

"We're looking for people who are open hearted, interested in learning, and have the ability to work as part of a team," she said. "They also have to be nurturing. We're looking for folks who are flexible and low key and can go with the flow."

Ms. Adams explained that the children in St. Catherine's Therapeutic Family Programs are those experiencing emotional problems that have or could result in hospitalization, as well as children who have been physically or emotionally abused or neglected.

"Children who have been abused carry it with them," she said. "Not unlike Vietnam vets, they have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. They have nightmares and flashbacks. These are very hurt children who need therapy."

Team effort

Across the country, the need for foster families is great. According to the National Foster Care Awareness Project, since 1987 there has been a 90-percent increase in children in care, but a three-percent decrease in the number of licensed family foster homes.

While the media often portray children in foster care as going from home to home, this does not happen in St. Catherine's program, Ms. Adams said. Through a matching process, children are placed with a family that will allow them the optimal chance at success.

Rules and needs

Also, St. Catherine's does not place a foster child older than a family's oldest child with that family. This is less disruptive, Ms. Adams said.

St. Catherine's foster parents come from a wide variety of backgrounds, from families with young children to empty nesters or single people. "We have very young parents, and parents in their 70s," Ms. Adams said.

The children in St. Catherine's program range in age from preschoolers to 18-year-olds.

Unique

"One of the unique things about St. Catherine's is that we're a small program," she said. "This allows personal involvement. We see our foster families on a weekly basis and we talk to them three times a week."

Foster parents go through a 25-hour training program prior to taking a child into their homes, Ms. Adams said. Foster families receive ongoing support from St. Catherine's Center staff and from other foster families.

Foster families receive a small stipend for the labors of love they perform. They receive $30 a day per child, according to Ms. Adams. This money offsets the cost of bedding, school supplies, clothing, and entertainment for the children. "Nobody gets rich being a foster parent," she said.

Rewards

While Mrs. Norton knows the children are in her care only temporarily, during that time period they are part of the family. "These kids don't have `foster kid' branded on their head," she said.

She and her husband never introduce their foster children as such, and on field trips or other school outings the children refer to her as `Mom,' although at home they call the couple by their first names.

On the way

The Norton foster children are looking forward to the upcoming birth. "Right from the beginning, they think of this child as their brother," she said. "They've gone with me to the doctor's appointments. We've talked about it."

Most people in the Nortons' community have no idea that the children are foster children. "The people think they're all ours," said Mrs. Norton.

The hardest part for Mrs. Norton is when the children return to their own families. "You know when you get into this that they are not yours," she said. "But there's always an ache. You do realize that that's where they belong."

Welcome Christ

While foster parents learn to celebrate the small victories of their foster children and often don't see the major accomplishments the children make, Ms. Adams sees the impact foster parents have as long-term. She said: "My belief is that they give a lifetime gift to the children."

(For more information on St. Catherine's Center Therapeutic Family Programs, call 435-9029.)

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